stray kids ; changlix | crash ↺

04 | fumes

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"are you just going to watch me sleep?" i laughed quietly, the blanket pulled over my shoulders as felix lay with his eyes open; the bedside lamp was now turned off as shadows and thunder overtook the room.

"sorry it's the jetlag," he explained, running a hand through his hair.

i nodded although he couldn't see, sighing into the warmth of my pillow — cupping my hands, i felt myself slowly drifting off.

"are you sleeping?" felix whispered.

i didn't say anything but let the wind reply with a shudder of whistles. i heard him sigh and turn around with his back towards me.

i momentarily felt bad, but i felt sleepy as well. a little night conversation won't do anyone bad, right?

"no, i'm not sleeping," i suddenly replied, catching felix's attention as he turned around again to face me with a childish smile.

gosh, can he stop being so adorable.

"tell me about yourself," i mumbled as my eyes shut close, "i'm listening."

he hummed, pondering over a response. "i'm lee felix, from the australian lands," he laughed and i couldn't help but join in, "here, i guess i'm seventeen, but technically i'm only going seventeen this autumn," he clicked his fingers as i face palmed at the reference. "i hate spicy food and i love dancing, but other than that, i specialise in dabbing."

i huffed a laugh, shaking my head as felix grew quiet and just watched me.

the curtains were open and street light climbed into the room, glinting both our faces with tints of dark silver-yellow.

"what about you?" he asked, a genuine intrest lacing through his deep voice.

"well, i'm boring," i paused, opening my eyes and staring at the ceiling, "seo changin, eighteen, and born here. i love horror movies and anything dark. whenever i'm not at home sleeping, i'm usually out cycling," i admitted.

felix nodded softly, his gaze landing on my face as if i couldn't see him from the corner of my sight. turning to face him, he didn't budge.

he stared right at me and i stared back, unable to break away.

i couldn't explain it, couldn't understand it myself — why was i so comfortable with a stranger that i met merely a couple of hours ago?

why was i dreading to fall asleep for once? and why was i calmly sitting through a storm that i couldn't hold the thought of?

"why are you here?" i whispered, so quietly that it went almost unnoticed.

felix's eyes fell down, a little lost at first. then he smiled, "my family used to live here, and coming here; is like a little trip in memory of their life before they moved away. besides, it's also a great way to improve my korean and maybe make new friends."

"gosh you're so formal," i laughed, trying not to overthink the first half of his explanation, "just say that you want to get a girlfriend for the summer or start a new hobby by moving countries blah blah," i folded my arms behind my head.

he laughed awkwardly, "that would be the case," he stalled, "—but i don't like girls."

there was a pause in the conversation.

i didn't know how to react. sure, my family and my friends accepted me, but all the boys i ever liked — chased after others and didn't even acknowledge that i was there too.

now, having felix just an arm away, telling me he's just like me; gave my heart a tugging feeling.

"shit, sorry, i shouldn't have said that," he cursed, turning away, curling into himself.

"no, no," i suddenly murmured, reaching out for his shoulder with my hand and pulling myself closer, "it's alright. i—"

"it's fine," felix said, his voice lower than usual, "you don't have to pretend to be okay with it, i should have kept my mouth close."

i sighed, helpless for a moment as my thumb rubbed circles into the material of his shirt. "look felix, i— you can trust me, you just misinterpreted my reaction."

the hurricane replied instead by flicking onto the window pane.

"i—" i uttered, my voice stuck, "i don't like girls either and that's perfectly okay, no one here is against that."

for a moment, nothing happened. but slowly, felix turned to look at me with glass eyes, "really?" he whispered.

i nodded as he lay on his side; my heart beating like crazy from the confession that i managed to muster.

i didn't realise at first, but felix's hand was gently resting on my side, just above my waist as he pulled me into a small hug.

why did this feel so comfortable?

"sorry, i'm so emotional and stupid when it gets to this," he began to pull away but i stopped him.

"it's okay," i reassured him, "stay close, it's cold and you're warm."

i don't know where this courage came from, and i don't know how he didn't slap me away — but instead, felix's lips curved into a tiny smile before he breathed out and relaxed into my touch.

what was i doing?

i've never been so close to anyone like this before, not even with jisung and chan.

why wasn't felix pushing me away like everyone else did when i tried to approach them this way? why did he—

"thank you," he suddenly whispered, his fingers tracing patterns on my skin.

i felt myself smile, "good night," i murmured as i held him in my hands, slowly falling asleep.

maybe for once, i didn't mind the storm.

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written: december 18, 2017 | 02:15am