They Say Quitters Never Win

Get me out of my Mind

As the night has come I start to wonder around the house now it’s quiet and camera free, I grabbed a glass of water and went to the living room.

As I opened the TV and surfing through the channels I found a rerun for Caeser show, he was announcing my Victory Tour, It begins in District 12 and then goes in descending order to District 1, followed by the Capitol. The winner's district is skipped and saved for last. Like the Games, the tour is televised.

And later they started to show the highlights of my match! I saw the bloodbath at the beginning only it’s from the camera angle this time, they showed how I was hiding behind the box and how Michelle died! Another tribute has sliced her throat, and Vikki ! oh god I miss her! Wait I won this that’s mean she is dead!

What the Hell is wrong with me, why I keep getting confused?! 
Later they showed how I pointed at the tracker jacker to Elisa so she can shot it, Damn it I did that! How the Hell they want me to go to these girls district?!
Caeser was commenting at the highlight along other interview “and the upcoming scene is one of my favorite moments, Gosh just when we thought they had it!”
“yea they got food, water, and the top scoring tributes, except for Patrick of course” and they start laughing.
“Zero, who can forget that! So they got everything and you think they will remain till the end only to BOOM! Now let’s see it again”

they start to show the mist incident, I stared shockingly at the scene in front of me, so it was real It wasn’t just a nightmare and here Gabe steps at Mine and everything explode, they brought a close up shot for our bodies which got scattered .
Elisa was dead from the mist before that, Gabe & Vikki oh god there was a different shots of there remains, I couldn’t help but to start crying, she is dead how I can forgot that and there is no body only blood and there remains all over the place.

They showed how I fall from the crack in the cave ceiling & passed out, Andy got injured severely too, but pushed himself up and start running despite that as the mist was close from him thankfully he went to the river and crossed it and that where the mist stopped.
I felt bad for him he was injured but didn’t get any sponsor gift so he just washed his wounds every time and hide near another cave close to the river he was in a bad situation, but was able to survive as he had the medical kit in his bag & some food.
Later Tyler and Josh, I betrayed them.. they showed how they receive the letter from Pete and moved the force field to kill the mutts, only so I can poison them later.
And finally I watched how I split that girl head with the brick and shot Andy and start screaming like a monster.

I am a monster, the capital did change me what the hell is Pete talking about protecting me from change when it’s already done! 
And now am touring to mourn the tributes that I killed, How can I face them?!!! 
I start burning while watching myself in the TV and I couldn’t take it any more so I throw my cup at the screen, and start break anything stands in front of me while screaming.

Pete came running to the living room, and I can see him hide one of his hands behind his back.
Patrick: “what do you have in there? You want to kill me aren’t you? You LIED TO ME I DID ALL OF THIS!! I changed already and you” I pointed at him angrily then grabbed one of the broken glasses to threat him “you want to kill me! I know you want to!”
Pete: “Patrick calm down, no one want to kill you this is just your Morphling dose I think you need it, and I told you to make an exception for the Hunger games you did what you had to do just like anyone there”
Patrick: “Vikki is dead! I saw her got killed by the explosion, But ….. But she is right here” I pointed where she was sitting “I don’t understand Pete, there is something wrong with me, are you even real? Last time I saw you were a sadist asshole but now? ”
Pete: “it’s alright, it’s just the morphling it can cause a hallucinations, and yes I am real and am still a sadist asshole but not to you alright? Everything will be fine, we will start to lessen the doses so hallucinations will stop and you can eat and sleep normally as its effect that to”
Patrick: “but without it I will sleep and all the nightmares will come back and I will keep remembering what I did, this helps me to pass time I don’t think I can cut it off, please don’t do that”
Pete: “as long you keep reminding yourself that you did what a normal person would do when he is in danger then the guilt won’t bother you anymore, and in the tour you will meet the other winners and you can ask them for advice on how they adapt after the game” 
Patrick: “Joe won without killing anyone, he didn’t even join the alliance, he just hide until everyone dead, but I didn’t” I start to cry “I killed them, I killed Andy and he was in my TEAM, I killed Tyler and Josh even though they helped me, what have I done? Why I wanted to live so bad that I would do that” I sit in the couch and start sobbing loudly. 
Pete sits next to me and hugged me while I kept crying “why I didn’t hide Pete? Why I didn’t do the same, I was good at Camouflage I could just do it” Pete listened to me silently and before I know it he inject the needle on me and everything became calm again