Caring for a Star

Chapter 9 - Blossom of hope.

“Copter where are you?”

“Copter I am going to kick your ass so hard you will not be walking forever”

“Cop, I came to your room for many times. Where are you. You are making me worried”

“Please Copter, where are you?”

There were so many messages in the same line that went unnoticed and unanswered. Copter was not located and it is as if he had disappeared into nothingness in a blink of an eye. His school was informed of his disappearance and parents were duly informed. Luckily he had been in contact with his parents, therefore they had been able to do the needful at the right time. But the boy was no where to be found.

What actually happened was that he couldn’t be in the school any longer. It was too hurtful for him to be in the place where he met and fell in love with his P'. He was too heartbroken to be able to face the people who would remind him of P' Kim. So he did the only thing he could think of, he left.
He went home and it was the right thing to do too. His mother was his strength as always and she understood her child and held him close as he poured his heart out in so much tears that his mother worried that he would fall ill. But he held on.

With the support of his parents and the two sisters, Copter slowly but steadily regained some semblance of recovery. He did breakdown at random times but he was getting himself out of the depressive state he was before.

“What do you plan to do son?” his father asked one day, nearly 3 months after that fateful day.

“Dad, I can’t make up my mind about P' Kimmon.” Copter looked at his father begging him to understand him. “I am sorry for the money wasted on med school. I hope I would be able to pay you back all that. I have been looking into what I can do to heal myself and I think I have found a place. It is a Buddhist monastery in Bangkok. I can volunteer work there while I learn at a nearby university. It is at a fraction of the cost spent for med school.” He was not going to elaborate on why he will be in Bangkok. “being in a temple would be good for me as well.” Even though what he said was true, he himself was not sure if he would be able to recover from losing his P'.

“Ok. Situation is not ideal. But I will agree. Because son, we want what’s best for you. We really don’t care about what you want to be or how far you are going to study. We want you, the way you were before all this happened. We want our happy little boy back.” Copter’s eyes filled at his father’s words and he praised all the gods above for blessing him with his parents. Dad too had tears in his eyes as he grasped Copter’s hand in both his. “Don’t ask me to forgive Kimmon. I can’t and I won’t.” he held up his hand as Copter tried to protest “I know what you are going to say. But to me as your father, there cannot be a good enough reason for him to hurt you, the way he did” he finished and all fight left Copter’s body as the truth in the statement settled in.

Copter hugged his father and laid his head on his chest just the way he used to do when he was a little child. “Please don’t hate him” he mumbled in to dad’s shirt.

“I don’t hate him nor do I seek revenge from him. But I would always loathe him for what he did” Dad said with conviction there was no room for doubt.

Copter felt bad for not being honest with his father. He was not actually lying but more like withholding the complete truth. It is true that he was trying to recover from the hurtful episode but honestly he was staying in Bangkok with the hopes that he would run into his P' at some point. He is there because he has to be present in case P' Kim needed him. Being a star was not an easy thing and that is why he disliked the idol contests so much. He was sure at some point P' Kim would feel the mounting pressure and he would need someone close to support him. Copter knew that this way of thinking is not very conducive for his effort of getting his broken heart fixed. But he couldn't help it.

*---------------------*
Coming to live in the monastery was actually the right thing he had done in a long time. Being in the midst of all the novice monks and keeping busy with helping their studies, gave his mind a chance to be free from thinking about his P'. He was helping the nursing staff that looked after the sick and the elderly monks. A new idea was forming in his mind that he could help people more as a nurse because he would like be more hands on with people he is taking care of.

“Mom? I think I am ready to start studying again. But I might not be going to med school once again.” He told him mother when he called her several days later.

“Oh darling that is good news. I am glad you are ready for that and you did it do all on yourself.” She sounded happy and relieved at the same times. “So if not medicine, then what?” she asked.

“I am already helping the nursing staff mom. I thought it is much better suited for me. There is also a university that offers good nursing program to students volunteering at the monastery. So I thought I too should go and join it. It is cheaper but I thought we could pay a bit more than that. Because I will be taking the place of an underprivileged person’s place.” He knew he had no right to say because him leaving the med school had made his father lose some money. But they were pretty well off in the monetary department. So his father would agree to his request.

*----------------*

Copter liked the day time better at the monastery. Because he was very busy in the day time. He had his classes, nursing practice and volunteer work. It was tiring but at least it kept him occupied. However nights are a complete different story. He would do his religious observances and practice meditation with the help of the chief priest. But this was the time he was the most vulnerable. Most of the time as he closed his eyes to meditate or when he worship, P' Kim would make an uninvited appearance.
Today was no different as he cleaned the shrine and sat down to worship with the burning incense sticks in his hands, he remembered P'. All their time spent together and happy came to hurt him and tears filled his eyes. 'I have been so honest with my love, Buddha. Why was I hurt like this?' he thought looking at the statue of Lord Buddha gazing down at him. But he was silent as if it is not his time to answer. But for him to think of an answer himself. 'Or maybe my love is not lost but just temporarily distanced itself' his eyes opened with this thought and his eyes met Lord Buddha’s ever patient and compassionate gaze and he said to himself 'why didn’t I think of this before?'. A seed of hope blossomed in his heart which was lighting his dark days.