Caring for a Star

Chapter 10- Heal your heart

Kim was so tired. He had been working non stop for god only knows how long. Meet and greets, press releases, fan meetings, photo shoots in between countless hours of practice and rehearsals. He would come to his room at around 1 am  and had to get up at 5 am. At the moment he was running in fumes. He was worried that he would crash and burn any minute if he didn’t have a break.

However it was the finals time and there is no turning back and backing down now. All the hard work, sacrifices and heartache would be for nothing if he gave up just now. Losing the love of his life would be for nothing if he gave up.

He thought of Copter every minute he was unoccupied, which was getting lesser and lesser every passing day as the competition draws near the grand finale. . The beautiful face of the younger boy haunted him and wouldn’t let him rest. Guilt eating him up from within and the worst thing was that he had no one to talk about it. At a time he had been desperate, he had gotten some information regarding Copter and that too was a risky move this late in the show. If he was found out, he would be sent out for breaching the contract.

He had received a letter from his friend Tee, disguised as a fan letter and in that he had written about how Copter was doing in so much code it was hard to even understand. He had taken the letter to the bathroom, the only room he was not monitored, or so he believed, and read it so many times. By the time he tore it and flushed the small piece of paper, he knew every word by heart.

Even though he read the letter a countless number of times, it did not make the content and less painful to bear. Tee had wrote how Copter came to them looking for Kim on the day he left and everyday afterwards until he himself realized that Kim wasn’t coming back. He also had said about the boy dropping out of the med school and leaving the town. Finally though, there was some encouraging words. Tee had said that Copter was in Bangkok and had attached even a grainy photo of the boy in a monastery just outside the main city. 

Knowing Copter was living closer made it even more difficult for Kimmon to not meet him. There were so many things he had to tell his baby. But most of all, he wanted to fall on his knees and beg for forgiveness for breaking his heart. He was up all night thinking of a plan as to how he could see Copter without his contract being in jeopardy. Finally as the skies gained a pinkish tinge in the Eastern side and when he was happy with the plan he had in mind, he finally fell a sleep with a smile on his lips. He slept peacefully after a long time that day.

“I have told you many times not to stay up late. What are you doing? Why can’t you understand what I’m telling you? What do you do staying up anyways?” his manager for the contest was throwing up a fit at the dark circles under Kim’s eyes. The boy was almost used to his ranting. The man was such a pest and he was getting tired of his numerous dramatic antics. “I don’t even know why you want to go to a temple at this time. Of all places you could go to” he swiped at his shaggy bangs and strutted away gesturing for the makeup artist to get on with fixing Kim’s face. Kim smiled and thought 'it’s in motion'

The photo shoots and the promotional activities took the entire day. He was not feeling tired like the other days because the moment he was anticipating was getting closer every second. Finally as the events drew to an end it was almost dark outside. He rushed in to his room and changed his clothes.

“P' Tor, I’m ready can we go now please” Kim said to his manager. He was so giddy and had to try so hard to contain his excitement so as not to appear suspicious. The effeminate but ruthless man huffed uninterestedly and lead the way toward the van waiting for them to go to the temple. Kim was on pins and needles. He was so close to seeing Copter and he was calling to all the angels above to help and guide him to the boy.

In a way Kim could be happy that his wish did actually come true. However it was not the sight he was expecting and nor was something that would do him any good at a time like this. As they arrive at the temple Copter was staying, it was dark but the place was lit up like the day time. There were monks walking and meditating every which way he looked. He was walking around looking at the elaborately decorated temple walls and structural architecture. For an outsider, he seemed like the perfect tourist, taking in the beauty of the temple with avid fascination. But Kim was not watching the beauty of the place. Instead he was on the lookout for a certain beautiful boy he knew lived there.

As Kim wondered around the temple, he was worried that maybe Tee got the place wrong and Copter wasn’t there. P' Tor was getting antsy and giving him the evil eye to hurry up. He was even more desperate at the moment. Then at the last moment, when he was ready to give up and turn away he saw a silhouette of a person sitting on the sandy ground. An older monk was seated in front of him and they seemed to be in a deep discussion. After a moment Kim’s heart broke into a million pieces at with the recognition of the identity of the silhouette as Copter and at the same time. The boy was crying and he had not the heart to make it even worst for him because he hadn't meant to hurt his baby like this, ever. Copter was weeping and the monk was trying to explain something to him. Kim stepped closer to where the two people were talking hoping to catch at least a clue as to what had upset Cop.

“But I can’t” Cop said and the older monk smiled serenely

“That is because you are still hoping he would come back” he said in a soothing tone to the crying boy.

“Do you think he wouldn’t?” Cop asked the monk suddenly looking at him.

“I do not know that. Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn’t. But what I know is that you suffering here would not make an impact on it.” There was a smile in the monk’s voice.

“I will wait and see” Copter said sniffling. “I can’t make up my mind to forget him, just not yet.” He said.

The priest nodded, then stood up and walked away. Kim watched on as Copter sat on the ground on his own, sniffling softly. He wanted to kick himself because it was his doing. Copter was hurting because what he put him through. If he went out to where the boy was seated, it would be like reopening healing wounds. So Kim walked away with his head hanging down and tears blurring his vision.