Conquer the Wasteland

The desolation of Bambi

"Go 'sporting' He said."

"Mat."

"'It'll be fun' He said."

I sat down on the rough carpet, cradling my knees as I rocked back and forth.

"Mateo, sweetheart."

"Don't MATEO ME!"

"What did I do wrong?" Liam seemed to be trying very hard to be patient.

"What did you do wrong." I muttered under my breath "YOU KILLED BAMBI!"

I nodded in the direction of the cooking meat on the pan inside the fireplace. That idiot had the GALL to say he was going SPORTING. What he really meant was go shoot an innocent creature! He THEN decided it would be a good idea to DRAG ITS CARCASS back to the house...and, get this, CUT IT OPEN RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

"I am forever scarred." I whimpered, my rocking becoming more intense.

"Don't you kill zombies with a frying pan for a living?"

"GASP."

Liam looked concerned. "Did you just say 'gasp'?"

I ignored him. "First off, it's called the IRON BEAUTY." I screeched. "Secondly, YOU CANNOT KILL SOMETHING IF IT IS ALREADY DEAD LIAM."

"Mateo, honey, we needed to eat."

"NO. I REFUSE. I WOULD RATHER STARVE."

(TEN MINUTES LATER)

"Holy CANNOLI this is amazing." I moaned into the freshly brewed stew.

Liam had ignored my ten minute rant, pulling the meat off the pan and putting it into another pot boiling with other pieces of the deer. Granted the stew was delicious, I was still peeved. Not only was I mad at him for killing a deer, but also shoving a spoonful of stew in my mouth mid-sentence.

I Can't BELIEVE you would DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT-

OOMF.

*AUDIBLE GULP*

OH MY GOODNESS.

My mouth and hands betrayed me as I shoveled more stew into my mouth. The texture was AMAZING. It was so good, especially for the apocalypse, in fact that it made me wonder what Liam really did before the end of the world.

"It makes me wonder," Liam chuckled as I wolfed down more steamy goodness. "Where you thought meat came from."

I rolled my eyes, feeling a tad embarrassed, but the feeling was flighty and it fluttered away quickly. "The freezer section."

"Oh Mateo, sweetheart, I must ask again, how you survived this long?"

"I had to kill animals too doofus." I hesitated. "Just...not Bambi's kin."

"Oh come one, you know it tastes good, how can you still be mad at me?" Liam asked, becoming impatient.

"You're like that hunter from the movie, the one who killed Bambi's mother!" I whined, then shoveled more stew into my mouth. The warm heat of the meal caused my tummy to purr with happiness.

"Oh come ON Mat." Liam huffed. "You're eating it, surely that makes you an accessory to this!"

"Nope, you killed the deer. ME on the other hand, well I am just cleaning up the mess you made and giving poor Bambi a funeral worthy of a king." I patted my tummy.

"In your stomach?" His voice was mocking.

"Yep," I smiled patting my tummy once more. "You should be happy I am here to clean up your mistakes, Flop-tard. Not many others carry my talent."

"Oh I have no doubt about that." Liam said, squatting back down onto the scratchy carpet with his own bowl of stew. "No doubt at all."