A New Day Has Come || l.s.

Seven

Day Eighteen:

     I gulp down three Prozac pills in secret in the bathroom. I had gotten addicted to my medicine. The voices were gone, my depression was lightened. I felt on top of the world when I take them, I feel like myself once again. Harry thinks I'm getting better, so Simon has allowed me to go to the next concert and preform again, and I was so fucking excited.

     "Lou, where are you we got to go!" Harry calls out from the other side of the bathroom door. 

     "I'm coming, chill. I want to look presentable my first night back!" I say and I hear a chuckle from the tall curly man. 

     "You're always presentable baby, we gotta go now or we'll be late." Harry says opening the door as I style my hair.

     "Hey! I needs privacy to do my magic!" I chuckle as he pulls my body to his. 

     "Fuck it, you're beautiful." He whispers before pressing a softly kiss to my lips. I giggle softly and nod slowly allowing him to take me downstairs to his car. Two weeks of no performances and now they're throwing me out there like I'll be perfect. I bite my lip as panic starts to settle in my heart. 

      'You're gonna suck' my body freezes slightly hearing that voice for the first time in a while. 

      "You okay?" Harry whispers in my ear. I gulp and nod. 

      "Yeah, I'm all good." I say as I hear the evil voice laugh at my pathetic lie. I wasn't going to allow it ruin my night. I was gonna get into the swing of things again and they weren't gonna stop me.

~~~

      "I have loved you since we were eighteen..." I sing softly into mic with the boys. "Long before we thought the same thing/ to be loved and to be in love." I look over at Harry whose gaze near left me. "And all I could do is say that these arms were made for holding you, oh/ And I wanna love like you made me feel when we were eighteen" Harry sang with me smiling softly as I lightly blush. We finish out sound check with 'What Makes You Beautiful', 'No Control', and  "Midnight Memories'. It was mainly a focus on getting my voice used to singing again. My voice wasn't as awful as it could have been but it wasn't anywhere near as good as my Hazza. 

     "You did really well for your first day back," Harry says as he hands me a bottle of water. I nod slowly taking the bottle and downing half of it. My excitement has died down some since we have arrived at the arena. 

     "Lou, that was really good!" Niall cheers bouncing over and hugging me. I chuckle halfheartedly and pat his back lightly. 

     "Where's Zayn?" I ask confused by his absence during our little rehearsal.

     "Fighting with Simon... I think he wants out," Liam answers laying a hand on my shoulder. 

     'You making your comeback is making Zayn leave. You think people hate you now, just you wait till they find out you're the reason he's leaving....' I gulp and look at Liam. "It's not my fault, is it?" I ask biting my lip. Fuck, if it's my fault he's leaving...I know I couldn't handle that.

     "Nah...it's the lack of creative influence he has on our music. It's nothing personal." Liam say rubbing my back. Harry eyes me, his green eyes are distant, his brain was thinking of reasons I'd ask something like that.

     "You did take your medicine today...right?" Harry asks wearily, taking my right hand in his left hand. I nod and squeeze his hand gently.

     "Yes, I did. No need to worry over it." I say softly looking up at him. He smiles gently and kisses my forehead.

     "Good. Let's go get ready for tonight then." He eyes me still walking with me backstage to a little 'dressing room' is and pulls me in for a passionate make-out session.

~~~

      "It was a bad idea!" I cry as Harry tries to calm me down. That was the first concert I've done in weeks only to be booed of the stage. Tears stream down my face as he tries to come closer to me. "Don't!" I scream as he goes for a hug.

      "Lou, I'm so sorry. None of had expected that..." Harry tried to reason with me. I shake my head and make my way upstairs and make a break for the bathroom. "Louis! Don't you dare!" Harry yells and I hear his feet pound on the floor after me. I make it in a close the door and lock it. 

      "Fuck off!" I scream harshly. "I want to be alone!" I cry out looking around in a panic to find something to numb all the pain I felt in an instant. My eyes land on a bottle of pills that help you sleep at night. I reach out for them but jump when a kick hits the door.

      "I will bust this door down, Tomlinson!" Harry screams in fear banging rapidly on the door. I sigh gently and whisper a 'later' to the bottle of medicine and search for a razor blade. Once I find one, I notice its eerily quiet. I rip of Harry's jacket and tear open my skin with the blade. I smile darkly as the blood flows out each cut slowly and watch it drip on the floor. Silent tears roll down my cheeks as draw a new cut on my canvas. "Please stop..." I hear Harry whisper from the other side, I'm tempted to listen to him but the voice doesn't let me.

     'They hate you so much. All you have to do is show your ugly face and they want you off the stage. Keep it up, you need to release all the pain...' I sniffle as slice a old one wide open and let out a soft whimper. 

      "I deserve this..." I whisper hoarsely watching the fresh blood run down my arm. I fell back so hard. I tried to stop it from getting this bad but I'm just as weak as they said I was. 

      'You're freak, you're a fucking psycopath!'  That was the last thing I heard before everything went black.