Say You Won't Let Go

19

Alexa

I inhale the calming scent of salt water as I stand by the pier. School ended about an hour ago and instead of going home I find myself here, watching as the water overlaps in small waves, glistening in the sun. I probably shouldn't be here right now considering what happened the last time I was at the pier but I needed somewhere to clear my mind and this was oddly the first place that I thought off.

I replay today's events in my mind and I honestly don't know how or what to feel. I blurted to the twins about Blake and I's kiss, apparently I'm throwing a party, and things between Blake and I are more complicated than before.

How did I get here? How did I go from the girl everyone wanted to be to the freak? How could I have just let myself fall into this never ending tunnel?

A gust of wind blows by and I sigh as I push my hair out of my face.

"Alexa." My body goes rigid at the sound of Blake's voice and I can practically feel my heart drop to the bottom of my stomach. Why is it that he's always making an appearance when I don't want him to?

"Blake," I try to hide the nervousness in my voice as I turn to him. "What are you still doing here?"

"I had lacrosse practice. I was just about to leave but I saw you here." My eyes quickly survey him and I notice the lacrosse stick in his hand and then the muscle tee he's wearing which is practically clinging to him, the sweat on his shirt carving out every detail of his chest.

I quickly avert my gaze, looking anywhere but at him.

"I needed a quiet place to think." I finally reply.

We're both silent for what feels like minutes but is only seconds before he asks the question I've been dreading since that night.

"Alexa, can we talk?"

"There's nothing to talk about." I'm still not looking at him when I mumble those words and he lightly grabs my hand, making me look at him.

"You can't just pretend that what happened that night didn't happen." His tone is serious as his ocean eyes pierce into mine, and no matter how badly I want to put what happened between us aside and try my best to forget, I just can't.

"Blake, I just got caught in the moment and-"

"But I didn't," he interrupts, making me shut up. "I didn't kiss you because it looked like the right thing to do at the time. I kissed you because I felt something."

My heartbeat jumps at his words, now beating at a rapid pace. He felt something for me. Blake Harper felt something for me, and it only made me more disappointed. Not in him, but in myself. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel something that night too, but Blake deserved someone who wasn't collateral damage to themselves and inevitably others.

I wasn't good for him, and it was best to stop this from going anywhere before someone got hurt.

"Look, we were alone outside, at night, and we were having a personal conversation. I'm sure you just thought you felt something, but sooner or later you'll find out that you never really did," I sigh ending the conversation. I begin making my way towards my car, trying to ignore the feeling of Blake's eyes burning holes in the back of my head.