Outside the Lines (lashton)

(32)

After reading up on some of the conversation they've already had without me, I greet them. They reply back quickly, welcoming me home, asking if I'm home on a home pass or if I'm home permanently. I smile down at my phone, happy that they're excited to talk to me. I reply to them and hold a conversation for a few minutes before remembering that Ashton is right next to me. I look up from my phone to find him looking back at me, a huge smile on his face. He's not even ashamed to have been caught staring at me. Has he been staring at me this whole time?

I smile back at him, and decide to say goodbye to my friends over text so I can hang out with him.

"What do you wanna do?" I ask him.

"Anything you want to do, honestly. I don't mind," he tells me, still smiling.

I smirk, saying, "I kind of want to play Mario Kart but I don't want you getting upset when you lose against me."

"Game on Hemmings!" he says, getting up from the couch and moving over to the family wii. It's old, but still works.

A little over an hour passes - an hour filled with laughs and giggles and love - until my mum arrives home from work. She greets us and asks if Ashton is staying for dinner. He looks to me for an answer to her question, and I shrug, letting him know it's up to him. He happily says he'll stay for dinner. My mum lets me choose what's for dinner and I ask for pizza since it's my favourite and I want to celebrate being home, not even worried about the calories.

We finish up Mario Kart and decide to simply talk on the couch. We talk about everything and nothing at the same time. I could talk about anything with Ashton and be content. He makes me feel comfortable.

Dad must have picked up the pizza on his way home from work, because when he walks in it's with the pizza. We all gather in the dining room and grab a slice and sit down. Dinner consist of more talking and laughing, everyone being happy with me being home after two months. They're probably even happier because they have me back, the real me. Not the cold, moody man I was in the thick of my eating disorder, when I let the disorder control me.

When dinner's over, Ashton says he should really head home. I walk him to the door and before he leaves, he turns to me and tells me, "Today was fun. I had fun. I, uh, hope you did too." And it's a little strange of him to say but I shake it off, answering him instead.

"I did have fun," I say with a wide grin on my face. As he turns to leave, I pull him into a hug, unable to resist myself. I hold on to him tightly, and whisper I love you out loud. Before I have the chance to panic over my words, he breaths in deeply and replies with an I love you too, Luke.

The tension I feel in my muscles melt away with his words and I swim in the meaning of them. Does he like me too? He does hug me longer than anyone else, and he just told me he loves me, in the least platonic way possible.

"Ash?" I ask him.

"Yeah?" he stares intensely into my eyes, waiting for my question. Do I dare ask if he likes me? Do I dare confess that I love him?

I shake my head, pushing the thoughts away.

"Never mind, have a safe trip home," I tell him, smiling sadly.

He looks confused, but says goodbye to me and leaves the house. I watch him pull away in his car.

I need to tell someone.

I rush up to my room, closing the door behind me, and dial Michael's number, still having remembered it from all the times I called it in the center.

"Hey Luke, what-"

"I think I love Ashton," I blurt out. There's an intake of breath over the line and I continue to ramble.

"No, I don't think, I know. I've known for over a month now. My god, I don't know what to do. We have these moments where it seems like he likes me back but, what if I'm wrong? What if he doesn't like me in that way at all? What if-"

"Luke, calm down. Take a breath, alright?" I do as he instructs and he follows up with, "I'm not surprised."

"What do you mean you're not surprised?!" I ask unamused.

"Remember when we said you have this look when you see certain guys?" I nod my head even though he can't see. "You have that when you look at Ashton, but multiplied by like a hundred," he snickers.

"I do not!" I state, although it's useless. Even I know I'm wrong.

"Okay Luke, whatever you say," he laughs. "You're really afraid he doesn't like you back?"

"Well... yeah," I breathe out.

"You two have anyways been more touchy with each other, and he always talks about you. I mean, he hasn't told me anything and I'm not trying to get your hopes up but, it seems like he likes you as well. That's just my opinion though, don't take my word for it," he says, and I can imagine him holding his hands up in a defensive way.

"Do... do you really think so?"

"That's why I said it," he laughs and his laugh is contagious because I start laughing too, feeling my worries disappear.

"Maybe he does like me," I whisper to myself. I don't think he hears me because he doesn't respond. I speak up again, saying, "should I tell him?"

"That's up to you, Luke."

"What if I tell him and he doesn't like me back though? Oh god, that would be a disaster," I say, panic rising inside me again.

Michael says, "Sometimes you have to color outside the lines, you know? Push past your comfort zone." I mumble thoughtfully at his words. Maybe he's right.

He pauses. "Wait, is this why you freaked out that one time while in treatment when Ash hugged you?" he asks me.

"Yeah, I realised in that moment that I love him. That I have for a while and just haven't noticed it," I say shyly.

"That's cute," he laughs.

"Shut up," I tell him jokingly.

We talk for quite a while that night. About my feelings for Ashton, and the future of the band and what great things we want to accomplish. Soon enough, the conversation comes to a close and we say our goodbyes.

I crawl into bed, ready to fall asleep in my own bed once again, so happy to be home now. I've missed this place so much, I'm barely even here with touring as it is.

I turn over, thoughts of Ashton drifting me into a deep slumber.