Moments [H. Styles]

five

study hall

  "No, get this!" I clutched at my stomach, barely able to breathe from laughter. My arms ached and my right hand was covering my mouth trying to silent my loud laugh. Before I could even finish what I was saying, though, the study hall advisor quickly hushed me.

  "Harry, be quiet. This is a study hall. Be quiet and study or leave and be counted absent." She scolded me. Whatever.

  "Wanna ditch?" I reached for Bea's hand, rubbing it gently with my thumb. "Come on baby, Mrs. Harding is being such a bore." I groaned quietly, trying not to disturb the beast.

  "Harry..." She trailed off, looking at me sadly. "I've really got to be counted present. I'm trying so hard to get into WSU. These things matter." She could see the annoyance in my eyes, her face showed it all too clear. "Harry, please, don't get mad." She whispered, trying to calm me.

  I couldn't help it, though. My anger had just been getting so out of control it was unbearable. I needed closure and I didn't want to admit it to myself. "Whatever. I thought you would want to spend time with me before I left but I guess not." My voice began to raise, I was getting angrier by the second. "I'm going to be gone for a month, Beatrice. Do you not get that?" I scoffed, closer in her face. "Maybe we should just break up. What good could I do for you there? Just admit it, this is just dragging you down. I've been no good for you since the day we met. We were six then, it's been twelve years and nothing has changed."

  I had gone too far and said too much, that was definitely the last straw. I shoved the chair I was sitting in back, practically throwing it across the room. "Goodbye." Was all I managed to say before I stormed out of the classroom.

  I couldn't help but feel so stupid. Beatrice and my mum were all the good I had in my life and I had ruined it with her. That's all I had ever done, ruin things. I ruined my parents marriage, I ruined the relationship between my mother and sister, I ruined my relationship with Beatrice. I just couldn't handle it anymore.

   My fists were white and my breathing was heavy. Why did life have to be so hard? I could feel the hot tears running down my cheeks. By then I was already walking down my neighborhood road. The cold breeze made my damp cheeks ache.

  "I'm home. I couldn't stand to be there one more second." I let my mum know when I had met her curious stare. "I broke up with Beatrice." My lip trembled as the sentence left my lips. I couldn't bare be in the same room as anybody right then, I just couldn't bring myself to it. I stormed off to my bedroom and slammed the door shut. I let myself lean against the door, sliding down it as I cried.

  It seems a bit dramatic, I know, but what else could I have done? I didn't want to deal with the reality. I was molested by father for three years before my mum noticed something was wrong. I hadn't been able to talk about it since, I had only told Beatrice. I kept it all in and just let myself destroy everything and everyone around me. I lost all contact with my older sister, Gemma. When we left my mum could only afford to take one of us and it had to be me. Gemma stayed with my nan, my mum's mum.

In two days we were going to go back and visit my mum's family. I really didn't want to go but my mum made me agree. I was in no position to tell her no after everything she had done for me, she literally saved my life.

Once I had calmed down, I began to pack. I packed everything you could imagine. You never know what you might need when traveling, right?

There was a quiet knock on my bedroom door, I ignored it. I didn't want to talk to anyone at all. There was too much hate in my heart.

"Baby, it's me. Can we please talk." Beatrice called out quietly. She was crying, I could tell. How long had she been crying? I felt so guilty for making her cry, I was so angry at myself . "Harry, please. I don't want to be without you. I don't want to be with anybody else."

I felt myself began to cry, too. I wanted to give her my all but I just felt so awful about myself and where I was in life. I slowly walked over to the door, wiping away my tears. I unlocked the door and slowly opened it, only to see the most heartbreaking sight I have ever witnessed. I promised myself then and there I would never ever see her standing before me with red, puffy eyes and bright red, tear stained cheeks.

"Marry me, Beatrice. Will you marry me?" Time stopped and the whole world went silent. "Marry me."

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