A smile for Dee (I'm currently removing it, read the new version)

Chapter Seven: Old Friends

“Look what you’ve done to me, God dammit LOOK AT ME DELILAH!” Her soft, angelic voice always rises at this point, anger radiates from her body. She stands a metre from me, her body crippled as she breaks down. Praying for a tear drop to fall I stare deep into gray eyes. Nothing, not a tear drop falls.

“Do you not feel anything, look at me! LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE, LOOK AT WHAT IT’S DONE TO ME BECAUSE OF YOU. BECAUSE OF YOU, DELILAH!”

“I’m so sorry; I’m so so sorry Jayne.” Is all that leaves me.

******

Everyone except grandma and me are waving Stephanie and Aunt Vanessa off. I chose to stare outside the living room window, whereas gran refused to leave my side. Sitting at the window seat, gran talks about some tale from when she was a young girl. It’s always like this a one sided conversation, they talk in hope I’ll show some emotion while I listen. I lean into the cool glass window; my swollen wrist wrapped expertly by Vanessa sits in my lap. I watch as Bianca hugs her mum goodbye, the two of them slightly tearing up. Mum hugs Aunt Vanessa; a few words exchanged between them, always the close sisters. The slow setting sun paints the sky a luminous shade of pink and orange. This isn’t how I planned to spend my Friday night. Not that I ever did anything.

“You should be out there you know.” Grandma’s hands push my hair over my shoulder, her hazel eyes filled with pity.  Avoiding her gaze I watch the cars outside drive out the estate, Mum, Mayella, Adam, Tom, Bianca and Natasha wave at the retreating cars.

“You shouldn’t be like this, this isn’t you. Delilah smiles, Delilah is happy, cheerful, our Delilah is always laughing, painting, playing her grand piano.  This isn’t you Delilah, this isn’t who you are.” Grandma speaks, her hands tracing patterns on my knee. I continue watching out the window as everyone returns inside the house, gran sighs.

“Please try smiling Delilah, I hate seeing you like this.” Believe me gran if I could smile I would’ve but how can I after all I’ve done.

“Then tell me one thing...why won’t you smile?” grandma pleads. “I won’t tell your mother.” She adds quickly. I watch her pleading eyes cautiously, the pain hiding inside them.

“Because I can’t, I don’t know how to.” The answer slips out of my lips, instant regret fills me. Ever since Bianca’s return I’ve slipped out too much information, she has that effect on me and I hate it. Grandma eyes frown as she studies my face. Standing up I walk out the room, before I let something else slip out.

Leaving grandma with her mouth hanging open I enter the grand hallway as everyone else returns into the house. Adam rubs his eyes sleepily, his hands searching for mine. Giving my hand a small tug he smiles sheepishly at me.

“Hey Dee, you just missed Aunt Vanessa.” His voice muffled by his yawn. His scrawny little body clings to my side as his eyes droop down slightly. He needs sleep, the earlier he gets some the more sleep he’ll get before I have my nightmare again, causing him to wake up. A feeling of guilt hits me hard, he’s young, sick and because of my nightmares I’m ruining his sleeping pattern.

“You want me to take you to bed?” I ask, his head instantly snaps up, his eyes blinking rapidly. I guess he’s not used to having me talk to him, let alone offer to tuck him in bed.

“Maybe next time, dads gonna tuck me in this time.” His light arms wrap around my torso, giving me a tight hug he walks off rather sluggishly towards Tom and mum as they enter the room.

“Night Dee.” He yells out, Tom picks him up, as mum gives him a small peck on the forehead they head up the stairs together. Just like a family, if only Adam knew the truth. But this time I’m not the only one lying, this time we  are all lying to him.