As long as I can remember I always tried my best . My best isn't good enough , maybe that's why i deserve . (violence , cursing , mental illness ) (warning: hard subject for readers )
I woke up the next morning and got dressed in a baby blue strapless dress with a white satin ribbon tied around the waste as well as a white ribbon with baby blue hemming in my hair as a ponytail holder . I really did not enjoy dressing this preppy twenty-four seven however my mother as you already suspected never allowed me to dress comfortably this lead to a lot of people thinking i was a popular brat . I can not really complain much though because due to this reason people respected or at least feared me . I would be lying if I said i did not like it because in a way i do . I arrived at school early . My mom always took me to school not because she had liked me but because i appeared more "proper" that way . I walked up to the big doors that made school seem anything but friendly . With hesitation i entered although the fear that hit me everyday seemed to be worse today I.... I wanted to run back to forth grade instead of being a junior at age 16 but i couldn't. i walked in with the feeling that something was wrong , something was . I walked down the hallway that seemingly got longer , as i heard the giggling and laughing that came with it . I noticed someone by my locker with shoulder length black hair and bright green eyes , it was Darcy someone who i had once presumed to be my best friend. She had a smirk on her face like a bull waiting to kill , thought to myself " crap not that look , that look . no Darcy don't do this to me ." i approached with a worried look upon my face "Darcy what happened" she smiled a vicious smile " whats wrong bright-eyes everyone only knows the truth " " The truth ?" i thought for a second before running to the janitors closet where i knew no one would try and bother me . I though again " the truth , the fact that i have O.C.D , that i am depressed , that i have Athazagoraphobia (which is a phobia that means the fear of forgetting or the fear of being forgotten or ignored) , that my parents are divorced , that i have Dissociative identity commonly known as multiple personality disorder, (is a condition wherein a person's identity is fragmented into two or more distinct personality states) , something i got from being a victim of abuse . all the things that are messed up about me is ex... exploited , i am no longer seen as popular nor am i feared any longer . " just when i for a moment thought it couldn't get worse it did . i walked out of the closet into class . everyone looked at me i felt scared . Everyone was silent that was until the teacher began laughing as did everyone else . i sat down I've never felt so worthless , everyone settled down the assignment was to write a poem using the words night , pain and rain , here is what i decided to write
" sometimes i sit in my room looking out my window into the dead of night listing to the rain as i can't help but remember my pain, people seem to point and say " she looks insane " , but you would be to if you had my brain don't judge someone until you've walked in their shoes because trust me when i say if you were in mine you wouldn't thrive you wouldn't even make it out alive. "
most of the day after that was just a blur until lunch anyway sat alone due to the people i had once called friends avoiding me . In fact everyone was acting like i was invisible now it must've been them acting on knowing my phobia of being forgotten . I thought to myself again " this is ok i can w...work with this ."
BANG! suddenly food started to be thrown at me and my table it seemed to last forever when it finally stopped they screamed "CLEAN IT UP BELLE " i did , not because i was told to but because i just did ... i started to clean it up someone stood above me i began to cry as i ducked under my head under my hands she said "relax i coming to help " she appeared to have black hair in a sweeping side bang look or as some people would say "emo" bangs with bright red tips she had dark eyeshadow and a lip ring although she honestly looked nice which had shocked me . she then helped me clean the rest up .
When we finished i asked her name she replied in the sweetest voice "Annabeth" what a beautiful name i said she than sat with me the rest of lunch as we discussed life issues she seemed to have many of the problems as i did . She made things better for the moment . The day went by fast again .
my mom picked me up and brought me home i was ready to be home or i would have been if it wasn't for richard standing at the door i got out of the car and ran to my room and locked the door . i stayed there not thinking about anything i barricaded my door praying that he couldn't get to me . I decided to sleep in the closet having learned how to lock it from the inside i felt safer although sleep never came . everytime i tried i had flashes , flashes about Richard hitting me . i eventually passed out when i awoke to banging on my door telling me in these exact words to " get a dress on and go to school " I decided to stay in the closet at that moment i reacted oddly i began to sing a song called silent scream by anna blue a singer/youtuber who i've heard over youtube
"I'm caught up in your expectations ,You try to make me live your dream , But I'm causing you so much frustration And you only want the best for me You're wanting me to show more interest ,To always keep a big bright smile Be that pinky little perfect princess But I'm not that type of child And the storm is rising inside of me Dontcha feel that our worlds collide? It's getting harder to breathe It hurts deep inside Just let me be Who I am It's what you really need to understand And I hope so hard for the pain to go away And it's torturing me But I can't break free So I cry and cry but just won't get it out The silent scream Tell me why you're putting pressure on me And every day you cause me harm That's the reason why I feel so lonely Even though you hold me in your arms Wanna put me in a box of glitter But I'm just trying to get right out And now you're feeling so so bitter Because I've let you down And the storm is rising inside of me Dontcha feel that our worlds collide? It's getting harder to breathe It hurts deep inside Just let me be Who I am It's what you really need to understand And I hope so hard for the pain to go away And it's torturing me But I can't break free So I cry and cry but just won't get it out The silent scream Can't you see How I cry for help Сause you should love me Just for being myself I'll drown in an ocean Of pain and emotion If you don't Save me right away Just let me be Who I am It's what you really need to understand And I hope so hard for the pain to go away And it's torturing me But I can't break free So I cry and cry but just won't get it out The silent scream My silent scream"
"Belle" my mom said "stop being so dramatic , get ready for school " i went back into the closet . she had to go to work so she just let me take a "sick" day . i'm not sure how much longer i can take this ...
darcy - except darker hair
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annabeth - black hair red tips
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