Chicago Fire, "It's Our Time Now"

A Breaking Point

Two days after the call with the young girl, Jane Doe, a few people had noticed I was acting weird. Matt tried to be there for me, but I wouldn't talk to him about it. So he expressed his concerns to Chief Boden. He said "shes not sleeping, shes sad, shes distant, she won't eat, and she won't talk to me or anyone else about anything. Maybe you could talk to her about taking a few days off?" Chief Boden agreed. Later on that day he called me into his office. I walked in and said "hey chief, what's up?" He said "hi gabby, take a seat." I sat down and he said "how are you?" I said "i'm good chief. What's this about?" He said "A few people have expressed some concerns about you. I'm just checking in to make sure you're okay?" I said "yeah I'm good." He said "have you talked to anyone?" I said "about...?" He said "about that call the other day. It was hard. Maybe harder on you than anyone else. Why don't you take a few days. Relax, rest up, talk to someone." I said "chief I'm okay, really." He said "that's an order Gabby. Come back in a few days or when you feel you're ready." I stood up and walked out. I knew either Matt or Shay talked to him. I grabbed my bag from my locker and headed out. I walked past the common room and Matt saw me. He yelled "Gabby, wait up!" I stopped and he came in front of me and said "where are you going?" I said "to the hospital to visit Jane Doe, then I don't know where." He said "are you okay? What did Boden say?" I said "he told me to take a few days." He said "maybe I could ask for the rest of the shift off, we could go somewhere and talk. Or if you don't want to talk we could not talk and eat instead?" I said " I don't really want to talk or eat. I'll be fine, I'll probably just go home after the hospital." He said "Okay, I'll see you at home then. I love you." He kissed me on the cheek and then I left. When I got to the hospital, Jane Doe's dr. said she was having a bad day. When I walked in she was excited to see me. She said "Gabby, I'm really happy you're here." I said "how are you feeling?" She said "better." I said "I heard it hasn't been a good day for you?" She said "not really." I said "do you want to talk about it?" She looked down at her hands and said, "not really. How was your day?" I said "not the best." She said "want to talk about it?" I said "not really." We both chuckled. I sat down in the chair next to her and said "whatcha watching?" She said "nothing interesting. Do you want to play cards?" I said "sure." She pulled out a deck of uno cards and said "uno good with you?" I said "yeah of course." She said "maybe you'll let me win this time." I said "no promises." She smiled. For a few minutes we didn't talk, we just focused on the game. Then she said "how did you move on from the horrible things he put you through?" I said "time. I know the last thing you wanna hear is, just give it time, I didn't want to hear it either, but then months and years passed and I realized that time helped numb the pain I felt. The pain I thought time would never be able to fix. Every day that passes is one day closer to healing. It'll always hurt, just someday it won't hurt as much. That's how you know you're moving on." She said "sometimes when the doctors come in, even the slightest touch from them makes me panic.
I know they aren't him, but in the moment I go back to when he hurt me and it makes me feel like I'll never be okay again. I just want to move on and not be scared anymore." I said "Sometimes it still happens to me. But as time goes on, you feel that less and less. Most days I forget I was the girl who was abducted. I promise someday it'll be like that for you." She said "i had to talk to the police and a shrink today. That's why it's been a bad day. They asked me things about him so they can try and find him. I guess he's on the run. Which I figured was gonna happen. He wasn't gonna turn himself in easily. And they asked for my name, again, but I still didn't tell them. I like not having to face what I'll have to face when I give my name. I like that nobody knows who I am. I like being in control of something in my life. But I've been thinking about my parents. And I kind of want to see them." I said "and I'm sure they will want to see you. As of right now, they don't even know if you're alive." In a sad voice she said "yeah, I know. But I'm scared." We talked more for a bit, played a few more rounds of uno, and then out of nowhere she said "Olivia Bastone." I said "what?" She said "my name. It's Olivia Bastone." I said "want me to get your parents here?" She said "yeah, I think so." I left the room and called Erin at work. She answered and i said "hey Erin its Gabby." She said "hey gabby what's up?" I said "I'm at the hospital with Olivia Bastone. I'm sure you figured out her name when you ran her fingerprints, i'm just letting you know she's ready to see her parents if you'd like to get them down here." She said "thank you gabby. I will be there with them soon." I hung up and Erin called Olivia's parents and asked them to meet her at the hospital because she found their daughter. They rushed there, and met Erin outside. When they came into the room, they were crying. Olivia looked to me, afraid but ready. I said "i'll be back okay?" She said "thank you Gabby." Her mom said " Olivia...? oh my god my baby. Can I hug you?" I left before Erin could talk to me. I didn't really feel like talking. I got in my car and I felt sad. Maybe because their daughter came home and my sister never would. The last thing I wanted to do was go home, so instead I drove to the bar. I sat at the end of the booth by myself. I started off with a beer, then went to the harder stuff. I had a few shots, vodka and lemon, and tequila. I went from one drink right to the next, until I felt numb. It felt like I hadn't been sitting there long, but it had been over two hours. A group of fireman from 51 came in and sat at a table across the room. Severide was one of them, he said hi to me when he came in but continued on to sit with the group he came with. He watch me closely as he hung with his buddies. I ordered three more drinks while he was there, one vodka and two tequila's. A guy came up to me and said "hey baby, can I buy you a drink or do you want to meet me in the bathroom for a quicky?" I said "get lost." He said "I will, in you." He put his hand on my back and I pushed him off. I said "don't touch me." He said " I just want to see your body, come on now. Don't be selfish." I was getting ready to take care of him when Severide stepped in and said "she said get lost." He said " geez man, okay okay. Im leaving." The guy went down to the other end of the bar and I waved the bartender over and said "one more vodka lemon." She said "Gabby, i've already given you over the limit I'm supposed to. I'm sorry." She walked away and I tried to get up. I almost fell over. Severide said "whoa..Gabby, sit down. Sit down." He sat next to me and said "this isn't like you. What's going on?" I said "i juss wannanother drink." He said " do you want me to call Matt?" I said "sso he can worry about me? Don't bother. Just get me a drink." He said "Lex?" The bartender came back over and Severide said "can I get an ice water please?" She got the ice water and I said "nno no, not that kind of ddrink." He handed me the water and said " you need to sober up a bit." I said "i'm ffine. I'm okay." I close my eyes for a second and all I could see was him on top of me. All I could feel was him touching me. All I could hear was his voice, his words, repeating like a broken record "I killed her, just like I'm gonna kill you." And all I could feel was pain. Severide said "Gabby?" I was too broken to speak. I just cried. I refused Severides comfort, it just made me more nervous, and I refused to leave my seat. I wouldn't let him bring me home. He finally got a hold of Matt and told him what was happening. Matt quickly left the firehouse and came to the bar. When he got there, I wasn't ready to see him. He sat were Severide was and he tried to talk to me but I was in this mentally broken drunk state and I couldn't move my lips. He said "Gabby, babe...please talk to me." I didn't respond. He tried to comfort me but I denied his touch. Severide went to the other side of me and said "can Matt and I get you home?" I didn't want to go home but my bed and mac & cheese sounded good. I stood up and Matt tried to help me, but I pulled myself away from him and stumbled on my own. I felt like the entire world was shifting on its axis when I moved one single step. I got to my car and got in the passenger seat. Matt buckled me in and shut the door. He said to Severide "thanks for calling me. Do you want to drive my truck back to my place?" Severide said "yeah." Matt got in the car and started it up. He looked at me and I looked out the window. He didn't say anything, he just started to drive. By time we got home I was asleep. He scooped me up into his arms and carried me up to our apartment. He had almost gotten me to the bed and then I woke up. I said "put me down." He put me down and tried holding onto me so I wouldn't fall. When I was stable, I headed for the bathroom. I went in and locked the door behind me so he wouldn't come in, and then I puked. Matt waited by the door and when I was finished asked if I was okay or if I needed anything. I flushed and ignored him. I laid on the cold floor as the world spun around me and he waited by the door for me to let him in, but I didn't. All he wanted was to be there for me and I was too sad, broken, and drunk to let him in.
Stupid me.