Chicago Fire, "It's Our Time Now"

The Reminders

Matt was in the hospital for a week and 2 days. The doctor told us that his brain injury may always be there, but it has gotten better over this week so there's a possibility it may continue to get better. He will either have to deal with it and have it as a constant reminder of what happened or it will go away. Brain injuries most times never just go away. Like pain, and loss never just go away. Like Matts brain injury reminds him of the pain and memory loss he's had, the scar on my stomach reminds me every day of what I went through when I was in the tracks of a serial killer. Those 2 days, locked in a room, taken away from the outside world, and from my life. And besides the memories and dreams that bring constant reminders, I look at this scar and instantly and the painful experiences flood my mind. Some days are better than others, some days the sadness is overwhelming, some nights I can't sleep cause I'm too afraid. I know he's locked away and I'll never have to see him again face to face but I will see him in my dreams.
I lye awake in my bed, Matt snoring next to me. I'm tired enough to sleep but again, afraid to close my eyes. Afraid of bad memories I know will creep into my mind while Im asleep. So do I go without sleep again tonight? Most likely, yes. I got up and as I walked towards the door I looked to the clock that said 2:53 am. With nothing to do, I clicked through the channels on the tv. When I found a decent show at this time in the morning which was very rare, I sprawled out on our extremely comfortable couch and thought about nothing but what was on the tv. So into this show, i wondered of my life would be easier like theirs. They must be extremely rich, with perfect little families, and great friends. At least in their acting lives. Then I realize I wouldn't want their life. I wouldn't want my life to be with anyone else but Matt, and the guys at the firehouse. Although I'm not rich, and my life and family is no wheres near perfect, I'm content. Besides the memories and the things Matt and I have faced in this past year my life is not too bad.
I finally started to fall asleep around 5:30-6. It was getting light outside and so wasn't as afraid to fall asleep. Not long after I fell asleep, I heard a crash. My eyes opened and I flew up quick ready to make a run for it. Not looking where the noise came from, I started for the door. I heard matts voice following me, "gabby, gabby! Stop it's me! It's okay." I stopped and looked to the kitchen. Matt was standing there holding the handle of our once whole glass cup. I walked to him and he said" I'm so sorry for scaring you. I went to go set the cup on the table and I hit the side." I looked at him and laughed hysterically. He said" what are laughing at?" I said" how did you manage that? You are still holding the handle." He said" I have no clue", and he started laughing hysterically also. I helped him clean the mess up, both of us still laughing and then I hugged him. He said" so, you slept on the couch?" I said" yeah, I couldn't sleep so I watched tv." He said" till how late?" I said" I think I fell asleep around 5-5:30." He said" you've only been sleeping 2 hours. You wanna go back to sleep? Or do you want me to make you breakfast?" I said" did you already eat?" He said" yeah, I had cereal." I said" Will you just lay on the couch with me for a while then?" He said" absolutely." He laid down first and then I laid in front of him. I kissed him and then put my head into his chest. In that moment I felt completely okay.