Includes angry rants, ridiculously inappropriate, laugh out loud inside jokes, Nessian sexual tension, one shots, the one & only original Daily Programming Good for Nothing Tools, & more!
Warning: if you still aren't caught up with either of Sarah J...
IT'S NOT MINE. I'M NOT TAKING THIS WORK AS MY OWN. CREDIT TO ORIGINAL WRITERS!!
High Lords in Traffic
Rhysand: Calm, collected, he's not bothered by the traffic. No, not at all, HE'S FUCKING ANNOUED AT THE CHILDREN IN THE BACKSEAT.
Feyre: Trying to keep Rhys calm.
Tarquin: Is the person that presses down on the gas & then on the brake over & over because he wants to move but doesn't want to hit anyone.
Helion: LOL WHAT'S A CAR GET A MOTORCYCLE #NOTRAFFICFORLIFE
Thesan: Is watching a Disney movie with his spouse, doesn't even get mad.
Kallias: hMmMmm stopped car? Perfect time for car sex.
Beron: Yelling at cars, his wife & sons are all wearing noise cancelling earbuds & ignoring him.
Tamlin: Sulking at home.
High Lords Jokes
Helion: What the—what—RHYSAND I KNOW YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS UNSCHEDULED ECLIPSE!
Tarquin: *yawns as he wakes up* *walks outside* *sinks into five feet of snow* *Kallias dances away with snowflakes falling from his fingertips*
Beron: *to his sons* Which one of you assholes keeps replacing my crowns with flower crowns? *Tamlin is seen sprinting out of the Autumn manor*
Viviane: Kallias, what are you wearing?!
Kallias: *looks down* *screams because he's wearing a grass skirt & a coconut bra* *Tarquin cackles as he winnows away*
Thesan: *crying because Helion vandalized his pretty palace*
Meanwhile:
Rhysand: *sobbing* H-Helion & Tarquin snuck into the House of Wind & s-s-stole all of my clothes & dyed them with color!
Inner Circle: *gasp* That's so awful! *Hiding colored dye while he's not looking*
Drunk High Lords
Rhys: Flirting with Feyre. Crying over how perfect she is. Even more purring than normal.
Feyre: Somehow got stuck being the designated driver & is capturing everything Rhys does on snapchat.
Helion: Hitting on everything. In. Sight. This includes random inanimate objects.
Thesan: Does drunken karaoke. Keeps singing even when he gets booed off the stage.
Kallias: Falling over. Constantly stumbling, the one who mutters, "No, I'm fine," as he trips over a chair & starts bleeding.
Tarquin: Precious drunk who points at things & laughs. Definitely needs help getting home, someone call an Uber.
Beron: The angry drunk who starts fights & gets himself thrown out.
Tamlin: The one who isn't invited to the party & calls the cops to shut it down because he's salty.
Things the High Lords Are Grateful For
Rhys: Ianthe is dead, the King of Hybern is dead, Amarantha is dead, oh & of course FeYRe DaRLiNG. And some other people.
Helion: Books (see you at Barnes & Noble on Black Friday, Helion).
Kallias: Viviane & fuzzy socks.
Thesan: The feeling of his lover's wings being wrapped around him—they're so soft & warm.
Tarquin: Adriata not being attacked AGAIN (& Rhysand's friendship shhhhhh)
Beron: His life, honestly, he should be so lucky he's been allowed to keep it for so long.
Tamlin: Rhys. Wait, we're not friends anymore. Feyre. Wait, we're not in love anymore. Lucien. Wait, he doesn't live here anymore. Alis? Wait, she left for the Summer Court. Which leaves . . .
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