Shootin' Shots: Black Boy Joy Imagines

Often - Quinn Cook

"Quinn , I can't wait forever."

Ri sighed as she stood outside the airport with him, he was off to North Carolina soon and she'd be in Massachusetts. The atmosphere around them was melancholy , she felt them severing ties , moving away and she couldn't help but to feel how she'd denied herself this entire time.

She loved her best friend and in the effort to save their friendship she'd lost her opportunity to be loved. They'd been so stupid , they knew how they felt about each other but there was always this invisible force holding them apart, doubt.

Now here she was outside a Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport with her heart in her hand.

She loved him , he loved her but neither one of them was built for long distance. Neither one could wait forever.

"I won't ask you to."

He replied gently before he embraced her , pulling her body tightly to his. So tightly that she lost air for a moment but she didn't mind. Her side gave off a slight pain but she didn't pay it any mind , her heart was breaking at the realization of how distant they'd be.

"I love you Quinn."

She whispered into his neck and he closed his eyes and breathed in her scent of apples and cinnamon.

"I love you more River Westbrook."

He stared into those hazel orbs of hers and leaned into her.

"I wish we could pack our bags and run away together."

She confessed and he smirked down at her.

"We've got dreams Ri , we'll see each other again. I promise."

He leaned in closer to her and soon their lips were in gentle syncopation. She rested her fears away and focused on him for the moment while he was still tangible , solid, present.

"Okay."

Those were the last words she got out before she watched him turn away from her and walk into the airport , a Jan sport backpack on his back and his whole life ahead of him.

She'd already turned away and began her trek back when he turned to wave goodbye again. He simply watched her silhouette until it vanished from his sight and then he shook his head hoping that he'd regain his neutrality. He couldn't cry , they'd meet again.

--

"You loved her Quinn?"

The lady prompted as she fixed the sleeve of her suit and Quinn now bereft of words only nodded I response.

"Did you see her after that?"

She prompted and now tears began to escape his eyes as he recalled the worst day of his life.

"No. "

"What happened to her Quinn?"

--

It was 3 am when his world came crashing down , his phone rang springing him from his sleep.

"What is it?"

He groaned out and a small voice responded in short breaths.

"Quinn , Ri... Oh God."

The person broke down into tears before they could finish and a nervous feeling sunk into him as he sat up. What had happened to Ri?

'Hello? Who is this?"

"It's Daniel , her older brother. Quinn , Ri's... Ri's gone."

The world stopped for a moment as his chest tightened , this couldn't be right , this couldn't be true. He'd promised her.

"What? No! What happened?"

"She'd been complaining about her side for months but she wouldn't go to the hospital. She fell down the stairs last week and the doctors diagnosed her with stage 4 pancreatic cancer two days later. She thought she'd get better, she didn't want to worry anyone but it took her quickly Quinn."

He couldn't accept this , tears began to run down his face as reality sunk in. She couldn't be gone.

"Please man...please...you're joking right?"

The person on the other end's sniffles and the wails in the background made it clear this wasn't a joke even before they replied.

"I wish it was Quinn...oh God."

Quinn hung up the phone and scrolled through his photos from the summer stopping on one of Ri that night on the hill when she'd snuck out in her mother's ford to meet him. The day after he'd been recruited when they celebrated with cold beers and eachothers company. She was sprawled across his lap , she smiled up at him and he snapped the photo.

His heart tightened in his chest as despair engulfed him.

He'd promised her.

-

"Cancer."

He replied simply , his voice harsh. It had been two years and he was still haunted by her , the lack of closure he had. She'd been here one day then gone the next , as silently as she lived , she'd gone. There wasn't one day he didn't think about her.

"Do you think you drink to numb yourself from the pain of losing her?"

The Therapist queried as she took notes.

"No, the memories."

"What do you mean?"

"I drink to escape the memories of her. I can still hear her voice , see her. She was on this journey with me for so long having success without her feels wrong. I can't stop thinking about her."

"That's not going to help you forget her Quinn , you're destroying yourself. Do you think that's what she'd want for you?"

He shrugged as another wave of emotion hit him.

"I don't want to forget her. I can't forget her. I know she'd want me to be happy but I can't remember many moments when she didn't contribute to me feeling that way in life. I miss her."

The therapist nodded in understanding before placing her notepad aside.

"There's something you're not telling me , you sound guilty Quinn."

"I promised her we'd see each other again. I was supposed to be there for her and I wasn't , she was in pain and I didn't help her. She left and I had to find out from a phone call. I didn't make enough of an effort to visit her , I got so caught up. She needed me and I wasn't there."

"She wouldn't be angry about that Quinn , from what you told me she loved you, she was protecting you from her pain Quinn. She didn't want you to see her like that, don't let her sacrifices and support go in vain, get your life back on track. Do it for River, Quinn."

He shook his head as he tapped the screen of his phone and her picture popped up on the lock screen , they were both ten and he was giving her a piggy back ride. She was the most beautiful girl he'd ever known.

"For River."

"What was it like loving her?"

Quinn stared at the picture as he recalled all the good times they'd had. The movie nights and basketball practices. The little things about her came back to his memory like her weird love for pickles , the way her laugh was the kind that would make you laugh even if you weren't in on the joke.

"Amazing."

"I need you to remember those times more than the bad times because that's what she'd probably want you to focus on."

Quinn nodded as her words went straight to his heart, if he couldn't keep his original promise he'd do everything he could to at least hold her memory together.

"I'll try, I promise , for River Westbrook."