forbidden • auston matthews

seventeen.

"freddie don't." connor pleaded.

"i'm going to."

"well if you are going to fight him at least do it when you guys have gear on." connor sighed, even though fighting your teammate at practice doesn't seem like a quality idea either. freddie is convinced that auston needs to get shitkicked. connor doesn't necessarily disagree, but he isn't about to do it. the guy fucked up bad, but he's still their leading scorer and freddie is still their starter. no need for a fight there.

connor thinks about auston for a second. how much he talked about how much he loved her, the number of times he brought her up in a random conversation, how bella's presence brought an instant calm over him. he doesn't understand. he doesn't understand how auston can do something so stupid. 

auston wonders that, too.

as soon as bella had left the house, auston felt empty.  he stood there for however long, not counting the minutes, not thinking about what to do or what happened. grabbing the keys to his car, auston walked out of the house in sweatpants, a hoodie, and a pair of slides with no socks. auston didn't know what else to do, so he drove. he drove until he was lost and didn't see any other cars. he drove until the exit signs stopped and the tears started silently rolling down his cheeks. 

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next thing auston knew, the fuel light came on for his car. he had been driving for an hour and a half now, trying to come to terms with how bad he fucked up. coming to his senses, he pulled into the next gas station on the nearly empty highway to nowhere. stepping out of the car to fill up, auston should have thought of how the snow on the ground filled his slides and froze his bare feet. but he didn't. he didn't care about how cold his feet were or how he's ruining his slides. he didn't want to think about it because bella wasn't there to tease him for wearing summer shoes in the winter or scold him for wearing sandals while driving. 

auston listened to the faint country music playing, mixing with the wind and smell of gasoline. 

"two hours of pushin' broom"

he smiled at the old country song that he wouldn't know if it weren't for bella.

"buys an eight by twelve four-bit room"

auston thought of when he first heard this song, sitting with bella around a fire in rosthern, her original hometown in saskatchewan.

"i'm a man of means by no means"

he remembered the smell of her hair while the fire crackled in front of them, desperately wanting to go back and undo all his mistakes.

"king of the road"

the loud click of the gas pump snapped auston out of his trance. just as auston grabbed his receipt from the machine, a man spoke up from the pump across the way. 

"what's a kid like you doing all the way out here?" the man was wearing a tucked in flannel shirt with a denim jacket and a proper belt buckle holding up his worn jeans, paired with a short but full grey beard and trucker hat hiding his aged eyes. for a moment, auston wondered what he meant by 'a kid like you', but he soon realized he was wearing a gucci hoodie, lululemon sweats and nike slides. the mercedes was probably the giveaway though. auston suddenly feels like a bit of a dick fro some reason.

"honestly sir, i don't know." auston laughed. why was he here? why does he run away from his problems like this? auston catches a glimpse of his reflection in the mans truck window, and even from here he can see how bloodshot his eyes are, and how pale he is underneath his hood.

"is it a girl?" the man asks. auston doesn't really know why a stranger is talking to him like this, but its nice to talk to someone new that isnt yelling about meeting auston matthews.

auston nodded slowly, looking at his frozen feet. "i messed up, really bad."

the man nodded, sympathetic. "you old enough to drink? there's a bar down the road and you look like you need it." auston smiled and parked his car at the gas station, heading to the bar in the seat of a nineteen-seventy-something ford pickup with a man he just met. they've got some days off and auston is thankful for that because there is no way he's driving home after this.

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bella sat in the acc for hours, silently crying until there were no tears left. she heard footsteps on the bench and looked over to see freddie standing there, as expected. freddie knew bella better than she knew herself and it was only a matter of time before he showed up. freddie didn't say anything, just made his way onto the ice and sat down next to bella.

"you're freezing." he said as he wrapped bella up in his arms. bella sat there for a minute, relishing in the warmth of her best friend and letting herself relax a little bit. there was a period of silence before bella spoke up.

"am i really not good enough for him? did i not give him what he wanted?" bella said quietly, a single tear rolling down her cheek at the thought. she gave auston everything she had and more, and it still wasn't enough for him. she considered auston to be the love of her life and she had thought he felt the same.

"bella, honey don't talk like that. auston doesn't know what he wants. who knows what he was thinking, or if he was thinking at all."

"well, he's a fucking moron for thinking he can do this to me. i'm going to get him traded." bella says, trying to be stern, but her voice was still small and muffled by blankets.

"babe, no. we aren't going to do anything we regret." bella huffed at freddie's words because he's right. she's angry and hurt, and there's no saying they can't mend their relationship. freddie finally managed to get bella off the ice and into his car, leaving the car bella drove at the acc for them to deal with some other time. 

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the song mentioned in austons little flashback deal is king of the road by roger miller btw

once again i didnt proofread bc who do u think i am