pause // dan howell x reader

Chapter 43 - Bitterness

Dan's POV

My eyes slowly peel open, the blinding light making me wince. I lift my hand to the side of my throbbing head which was against the cupboard door. I can't entirely recall what just occurred. I remember something tripping me over. What that was exactly, is foggy in my mind. I peer down at my feet and my breath hitches.

Polly is crouching over my feet, binding them together with a rope. Out of shock, I yank my left leg out of the loop and thankfully it's free. It seems that Polly is frozen in place. I don't remember pausing time but that's the only explanation I can think of.

I get my other leg free with a huff. I'm already exhausted but I have to keep pressing forward. I groggily stand up, using any amount of strength I can muster. I stabilize myself by holding onto the kitchen bench. The way my head throbs feels like my brain is trying to escape. I clutch my head to surpass the pain. I take a few seconds to readjust. I have a bitter taste in my mouth and my hand feels wet. I take a look at my hand and the bitter taste somehow becomes sourer. My palm is covered in blood. It's bright red and fresh. There is so much, I can't comprehend it. Regardless, I place my bloody hand back into my hair and press it against where I believed the blood is escaping from.

I look down at Polly. Why couldn't she stop tormenting me and Y/N? Why can't she leave us alone? I just want some peace and happiness for once but she's always there to ruin it. She's like some annoying mosquito that buzzes in your ear when you're trying to sleep. She's the storm that rains on our parade. I've had enough. I'm not going to let her hurt me or Y/N, or Phil. We've done enough running.

Suddenly, Polly is moving again. Except time doesn't play, it actually moves in reverse. Why is this happening? I gawk as Polly shuffles backwards. She steps out of the kitchen and down the stairs. Before she's too far gone, I grab my phone off the table and quickly dial emergency services.

As we reach the halfway point of the stairwell, she freezes up again. Just as I feared; time shifts back to normal. Polly walks towards me with the bundle of rope in her hand. Her face is stern before she realises I'm there. I violently use my forearm to press her against the wall. With my clean hand, I hold the phone up to my ear. I scowl at Polly as she gulps in surprise.

"Let- let me go!" She chokes out. I don't budge. I'm not enjoying this; I'm thirsty for justice. This isn't the most mature way to do it, but I followed my gut.

"Tell me. Why are you harassing us, Polly?" My voice is rough against my throat. I'm trying my best to remain civil, but I can't help being stern.

"Please don't call the-" She squirms.

"Answer me." I spit, the bitterness still pricking my tongue. She turns her head away from me and cowers. Her eyes are shut, her teeth sunk into her bottom lip. I don't want to be a monster. I loosen my grip on her.

She keeps quiet for a moment and all I can hear is my phone ringing.

"I... just-" She breaks down into tears. "I love you so-" She hiccups before crying even more. I feel her sobs against my arm and a pang of guilt strikes my chest. Oh wait, that was her fist.

I drop to the floor winded and holding onto my chest. I pant, trying to catch my breath. The call on my phone drops. I must've accidentally clicked it off. Polly turns to look at me. Her eyes dart around in shock. Maybe she's surprised at what she did. She quickly shakes her head and rushes off, rope in hand.

-

I retreat to Y/N's apartment, hoping she'd be there. I knock on her door several times. I don't get a reply. I text her asking if she's home, and if she isn't, where she is. I don't get a reply. I sigh and lift my hand back to my head. There are many places Y/N could be; her favourite restaurant getting take-out, the bench she likes to go to when she feels cooped up in her flat, shopping with F/N or even at the movies. But something tells me otherwise.

I walk to the park that's nearby. The one with the bridge and the river. It's always that park. She rarely goes anywhere else. As I step onto the park grounds, I get more and more desperate to see if she's there, so I run. My vision darkens at the corners. The blood leaking out my head spills out faster with each step. My chest feels locked into place and my lungs struggle to breathe. It all hurts. It all hurts but it's not much farther.

As I reach the bridge, I feel nauseous and dizzy. I slow down to walk up it. My footsteps are staggered and heavy so I crouch closer to the ground. I keep walking - well, crawling - and I take deep breaths to regain composure. I see a person lying down in front of me, their hand close to mine. I look up to see Y/N lying face up, her eyes closed peacefully. It seems like she's meditating; she's definitely not asleep. I take her hand and give it a squeeze. She opens her eyes sharply and her shoulders jolt. She looks so confused. A laugh escapes my lips.

"Dan," She says before throwing herself onto my lap. "I'm so glad you're here." She mumbles into my shirt.

"Is everything alright?" I ask. My laughter subsides. My heart begins to race and it feels like it could jump out of my throat.

Y/N looks up at me with those stunning Y/E/C. I notice they're red around the outside like she'd been crying. Tears gather on the edges of her eyelids, ready to pour. I wrap my arms around her waist and she moves up to bury her head in the crook of my neck. She cries and whimpers and sobs. I rub her back as soothingly as I could and she tightens her embrace.

"I did what I thought was right-" She stammers in between cries.

"Shhh..." I rub her back more slowly, hoping to calm her down. But she doesn't. She cries and whimpers and sobs. Why is she breaking like this?

Your POV

You let it all out; the heartache, the shock, the guilt and the shame. With each weep, Dan's hug becomes more protective and comforting. You could sense that he is upset too. Clearly, it isn't for the same reasons.

You fear that something bad happened to him. You hold him tighter before running your hand up through his hair. He often finds that reassuring, knowing that you are there for him and care about him. You gasp. You feel something damp. Quickly, you jerk away and look at your hand.

"Dan, why are you bleeding?!" You question, staring at the blood in disbelief.

"Got into a fight with a shark. No big deal." He laughs nervously. You cup his cheek, your mind frazzled with worry. Your eyes shoot around, searching for any other injuries on Dan.

"Stop," He chuckles and holds your hand reassuringly. "It's nothing."

You don't buy it for one second.

"I'm calling an ambulance." You say firmly.

"Yes, mum." He groans and rolls his eyes jokingly. You don't show any hint of a smile, you try to keep your face dead straight. Dan considers your fickle attempt adorable. "Yes, Y/N." He concedes before kissing your forehead sweetly.

ITS 12 AM SO IT'S OFFICIALLY MY DAY OF BIRTH IM GETTING OLD HELP

I hope you're still enjoying this book even though I barely update. I made this chapter a few hundred words longer to make up for how irregular I update. 

I am going to challenge myself to write a chapter every 4 days. I think that's reasonable enough, I really want you guys to be happy and also progress this damN STORY

Thank you for sticking around, I love you so much :)