summit ✽ h.s

f o u r t y - e i g h t

oops three in one day!
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I can't breathe. The second I get into the bathroom I lock myself in a stall. I feel disgusting and ugly and desperately need to throw up all this fucking alcohol. I fall onto my knees over the toilet and shove my index and middle finger down my throat.

I gag a bit, but can't throw up. So I start to cry.

Remind me never to drink again.

I fall back and lean against the stall door, burying my face in my hands. I pray to god nobody else is in this bathroom as I cry my eyes out because I sound like a fucking whale. He doesn't want me. He doesn't.

I hear the door open and close, but that doesn't stop my sobbing.

"Emma?"

His voice makes it worse. I'll miss his voice when he breaks up with me. His beautiful, raspy, gentle, sweet voice.

More sobs come out.

"Jesus, Em what's wrong?" Harry's voice is soft and I know he's confused but so am I. I literally cannot control what's going on with me right now, it's all this fucking poison inside of me that I desperately need to get out. "Open this door, baby."

My heart speeds up and I need to be in his arms. But I don't open the door, I just keep crying.

"Emma you're making me nervous. What happened tonight?" I love him so much. I don't know what I'd fucking do if this is the end. Beth told me just that him being distant doesn't necessarily mean he wants to break up with me, but I know it does. Why be with me when he has so many other options? "Please talk to me."

I can't manage to get words out and I just continue to fucking cry. If he wanted to end things before this definitely will make his choice easier. I'm a fucking mess.

I turn around so my back is facing the toilet, and I see his shoes at the bottom of the stall door. He gets down on he knees and sits on his feet, and reaches his hand under the stall door.

"Give me your hand."

My heart is beating too fast and I almost feel like I'm going to faint. I feel crushed and broken and overall horrible. This is the worst I've felt. Ever.

I put my hand in his and he quickly tightens it so it's wrapped around mine.

"Please, please come out, Emmy. Please." He squeezes my hand and I just keep crying. My arms feel shaky and my head feels light. "God, your hand is freezing. Em, you need to come out."

"I-I can't." I spit out through cries. I physically cannot open this door and get out.

"Emma," His voice cracks. "What happened?"

"You don't love me."

"What? Fuck, Emma of course I do. I promise you. But I need you to unlock this door, Emma please reach up and unlock it."

I use all the strength in my shaky body to reach my arm up to reach the lock. I push it open, barely, but enough for the door to open. Harry instantly grabs the door from the bottom and pulls it open. He pulls my body towards him and I collapse into his arms.

"You're okay." He soothes, running a hand through my hair. I sob into his chest.

I never want him to let go.

-

Harry

I've never been so fucking scared. After sitting in the women's restroom for what seemed like hours trying to get Emma to say a single sentence, I finally get her out of the bathroom.

I wipe the bottom of her eyes with my thumb trying to get rid of the wet mascara. It doesn't do much, but it helps a bit. I wrap my arm around her waist and walk with her out of the apartment building. That fucking guy she was with is nowhere to be seen, and he's fucking lucky. If he had anything to do with this I'd fucking ruin him.

I get Emma into the passenger seat and buckle her, closing the passenger door gently. I walk over to my drivers side, and start the car.

Emma stopped crying for a little but as soon as I look at her she's crying again. I'm so fucking scared and nervous as to why she's crying and it's breaking me. Seeing like this breaks my heart. Did someone fucking hurt her? I swear if that guy put a finger on her, I don't even know what I'd fucking do.

"Can you tell me what happened Emma?" I say gently. I don't want to force it out of her, but I'm so fucking scared.

"No-nothing happened." She cries more.

"What's going on then?"

"I know you don't love me." Her crying stops, and the cars filled with silence.

"What- Emma, no-"

"Don't lie to me. You don't love me anymore."

"Emma, I love you so much." I feel a stab to my heart that she feels like this. I can't hear her cry because she thinks I don't love her. I fucking love her so goddamn much.

"You don't want me."

"I do want you Emma. I love you and I just need you to be okay. Where is this coming from?" God my heart is shattering.

"You."

"Emma, you just need to get some sleep. We're almost home."

She doesn't say anything, just looks out the window. The rest of the ride is quiet, until we get to my house. I pull into the garage and hop out to get her out of the car, but she's already out and walking into the house. 

She says nothing the rest of the night. Simply goes up to my room, undresses and gets into bed. She reeks of vodka and other types of liquor and I feel horrible for her. I can't imagine what she's feeling, and I don't know what's got her under the impression that I don't want her, but it breaks my heart. It really does.

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xoxo
lucy