Living with Jennifer Lawrence

[87:] Dear Baby

I paused, and thought about what I should put next. I didn't want to write about his or her biological father. I didn't want to think about him right now.

You were a huge surprise, but I'm glad I made the decision to keep you. I don't regret it at all.

Life has been absolutely crazy for me, and I'll explain everything another time.

I'm four months along now. I did some research and you're about the size of an avocado now. You're getting so big!

I can't wait to meet you and hold you and give you kisses all over your face. I can't wait to dress you up in cute little outfits, and take you out everywhere so you could see the world.

I promise to take care of you, and love you until I die.

Jen walked by, and stopped in my room. “Everything okay?” she asked.

“Yeah.” I let my fingers linger on the letter I was still writing. “I'm writing a letter... for the baby.”

“You know, I never thought of doing that. That's such a beautiful idea.”

“Thank you.” I smiled.

She didn't stay long. Once she left, I continued to write.

I promise to never leave you. You'll have everything you'll ever need.

You'll be well-fed, and loved beyond recognition. There's so many people who love you, you know that?

I can't even begin to write out a list of all the people who love you. There's too many, and I know they love you already!

I still have a long way to go, but I'm beyond thrilled to see you!

Love, Mom

It felt strange to write that. Mom.

Though I was afraid to admit it, technically, I'm a mother.

The thought blew my mind, so I wrote another letter, but this time, about a different topic: how I met Austin.

Dear Baby,

Life can be really complicated sometimes. And sometimes you don't understand why certain things happen. But you face obstacles and challenges, and you get through them. Then you're a new person in the end of it all.

That's how I feel. I feel like a new person.

When you're old enough to understand, you're probably going to ask a lot of questions, and want to know more about your family.

I'll explain everything to you when the time comes, but I'll tell you about one very special person, and his name is Austin.

Austin came into my life quite unexpectedly. He was there right when I needed him. Years went by before I saw him again, and when I did, we just... clicked. We became fast friends. I didn't even like him at first. But one day, I did. And I can't explain what it's like. You'll feel it for yourself, I'm sure. I'll give you all the advice you need.

I've had a hard life, but I have a feeling that things will get better. It's what I hold on to.

You're gonna be okay, I'll make sure of it. I love you more than you'll ever know.

Love, Mom