Scar Holder (Prussia x Reader)

Chapter 18

Consciousness was almost impossible. What seemed to be hours, you were trappers in the black space inside your head. Or at least that's where you figured it would be. Where else would that black space be if not your head? No where else really made sense, except for maybe Gilbert's head, but how would that have been possible?

You didn't notice it right away, but slowly the darkness turned to grey. It was like how night becomes day, you don't notice it right away. Sometimes you don't even notice it until the sun is creeping into the sky. Which is what was happening to you, except there was no sun in sight. Why would there be if this was indeed your mind?

"(Y/N)?" Gilbert's voice was the first thing you heard in what seemed to be hours. You were overjoyed to hear something, especially if it was Gilbert's voice. You turned around in this empty space, trying to locate where the voice was coming from. It was only then that you had realized the space you were now in was grey, not black.

"Gilbert?" You asked upon seeing him in this grey world. The first colour you saw was the red of his irises, filled with so many emotions that you couldn't pick apart. Odd, usually you could tell what Gilbert was feeling but not here this time. You knew all too well that there was a first for everything. But you didn't know of this went along with the good or bad.

  "(Y/N)." Gilbert repeated, taking a step towards you. His hair and pale skin stuck out like a sore thumb compared to the dark grey that was slowly getting lighter.

  "Gilbert." You repeated, still shocked that he was here. A grin broke out across his face and you weren't really sure if he was actually here or if this was some memory of him. As he moved closer, you found yourself putting a hand out to touch him. He would feel solid if he was actually here in this mind space with you, right?

  You put out your hand, holding it out, ready to see if he was real. You hesitated for the smallest moment before pressing your hand against his chest. Solid, just like you hoped. You let out a breath you didn't even realize you were holding.

  "What's going on?" The words tumbled out of your mouth before you could stop them. You couldn't help it, you were confused and felt kind of helpless. You didn't like that feeling, you needed to know what was going on.

  "You're waking up." Gilbert said although he seemed a bit uncertain. Almost like you had felt when you had been told that Gilbert needed to go to sleep... In order for you to wake up! He was right about waking up, but if so why were you here?

  "It doesn't feel like I'm waking up." You said honestly looking around the space once again. Nothing seemed to be around except for the two of you. There was no sign of where you had been when you first passed out. Plus Gilbert hadn't been there.

  "Well, I guess it takes time to wake up. Or at least for you given what happened." His voice cracked at the end of the last sentence. He was quick to cover it with an awkward laugh, but not before you caught it though.

  The memory hit once again, with a new kind of force. It was almost as painful as it had been when it happened. You didn't know what to do or what to say. You could hardly breathe at the thought of it all. You knew that thinking about would never be easy.

  "I don't know how you do it..." You mumbled more to yourself than Gilbert, even if the you in that sentence was referring to him. "Or how any of you do it."

  Gilbert rose an eyebrow, a look of confusion on his face. "Do what?"

  "I don't know how you deal with all the things you've been through," you wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to give yourself a bit of reassurance. "You've all been through so much hardship but you continue on. You especially continue to smile even with all the bad history you've lived through. I don't know how you do it."

  For once you looked into Gilbert's eyes to find they weren't smiling like they usually did. They were serious and pained as all his bad memories seemed to flash in his inner eye. Pain etched into his features, pain that you never wanted to see upon his face. Pain you brought up though. You felt guilty for doing so.

  "You can't dwell on it, I guess. Focus on the awesome times more than the not awesome times." Gilbert said, it was obvious that this was the first time he ever really tried to put it all into words. He had never actually been asked this before, after all he wasn't really the type of person that people went to with their problems. "Focus on what you have, not what you have lost."

  In that moment it was like you had forgotten how to breathe. Your whole body seemed to shut down when you saw the look on Gilbert's face. Never before had you seen that look on his face. So many emotions tied together that you couldn't even begin picking them apart.

  "You do that a lot, don't you?" The words left your mouth, barely a whisper. "Focus on what you have instead of what you've lost."

  "Ja, maybe, but I know if I lose this I'm probably never going to let that go." Before you knew what was happening his hand cupped your cheek and he leaned down to kiss your forehead. His words and actions just starting to process in your mind as the world went white. You were waking up.
 

.:•*•:.

Hello. Long time no update. But like I finally got around to it. I've been meaning to update, I really have, but life is just an overwhelming thing. Especially around exam time. Hopefully you're all doing well and getting through this first month of 2018. I wish you all the best of luck with this new year.

     ~ HetaliaFanfics55555