JUST BECAUSE

LOVING HIM?JUST ONE WORD FOR THAT- PAIN.

halfway across the way and still no words from jeff.

"how long you are going to be like that?"

"the longer,the better."

what the hell is wrong with him?!

"why?" i turned to face him."why do you keep being like this?why do you keep changing ?who is the real you?this ....this silent,cold,mean person who keeps hurting me?or the one who laughs and smiles,who is warm and loves dog and dances well?"

"i am both i guess.and anyway,it's not your business to know.you don't even have any idea about me."he smirked cruelly.

i grasped his collars tightly and shouted,"how can i know anything about you if you don't let me ?!how can i walk inside when you close all the ways to come in?!"

he held one of my hands holding his collar and with the other hand,he held my waist and pulled me close.then,he leaned down and whispered in my ears,"because Pearl, i don't intend to let you walk in .i don't want you to.at least,not any further this time.because it's not safe.and because,you are a trouble.a problem for me.you are dangerous."

i couldn't understand what he was saying.not any further?did he mean i had already walked inside his strong walls?and for whom it's not safe?and why am i dangerous?but all i heard echoing the loudest in my head was 'you are a trouble.'....'you are a problem for me.'it was getting louder and louder in my head.

and all i said is,"i am sorry.for being a problem and a trouble for you.i don't want to be that anymore." i released his collars and pushed him back.but he was holding me too strongly.his eyes were looking in mine and i could feel his breath on my lips.he was almost as close as he could get.almost.and at that moment i realised something.

"thank you for escorting me.i can walk back alone now.go back.and this time Jeff Andrews-you stay away from me."

he didn't say anything.

and i realised that i didn't want him to actually let me go now.

because

i love Jeff Andrews.no matter who he is or how he is.But i love him.too much.

i love this jerk,this asshole.

and i can't do anything about it.

and i hate it that i love him.

because i know all i will do is love him more and more.and all he will do is to keep on hurting me more and more.because i guess the feeling's not mutual.

i guess loving him can be summed up by only one word-pain.

and so,it's better if he stays away from me.

shit.

dammit.

Pearl,why no one else??!!why him?!?!

even he stays away from me,i will still love him the same.i just know it.

GOD!!!!

i pushed him away harder this time.

then,i turned around and strode off towards my home,leaving jeff standing there.

and i didn't even turn back once.

because i shouldn't.i mustn't.

and because i was crying.