She's Not Afraid (Harry Styles )

Chapter 17

Autumn

The boys stayed for a few more days before management made them leave. They had some commitments they couldn’t get out of, and even though they didn’t want to leave I assured them I would be okay with Kat there. Lexi also had to leave, not being able to take a lot of time off school. My mom stayed as well and both her and Kat took turns sleeping in my bed with me.

The nightmares were horrible. I kept reliving both nights, and in some he even killed Harry. I didn’t tell anyone about that part though. Soon after the boys left the police came to ask us where the boys had been the night after I had been attacked. Both my mom, Kat and a nurse all said they had been in my room all night, except for 15 minutes when they had gone out for coffee. It wasn’t until I saw the pictures on a gossip site of them at the coffee place next to the hospital that I was able to put enough together to realize the boys must have gone after him themselves.

The cops told us when they found him to arrest him he had been beaten worse than I had. He was in  a different hospital and had suffered some serious head trauma and had been in a coma for the last week. The police were just trying to make sure that the boys had nothing to do with it  since I was close friends with them, and I assured them that they wouldn’t bother with something like that, and that it was most likely a drug deal gone wrong. They seemed to buy the story and we didn’t hear about it anymore.

I caught a few of their interviews on tv, and when asked about their the time they took off to be with me they always said it was a personal matter. Harry had also been asked about me quite a bit and I couldn’t help but smile when he said “She is very special to me. We aren’t dating yet but I am hoping we will when the time is right”  He always had a huge smile on his face when he talked about us.

I wanted to be with him. I just didn’t know how. I was still afraid of being hurt, not physically by him, but emotionally. He had a reputation, and even though I knew most of the things were rumors, the few relationships he had had that were confirmed only seemed to last a few months. What if we started dating and he realized that he no longer wanted me? That without the chase all the things he thought he felt for me were wrong?  I couldn’t open my self up like that just to have it ripped away. I knew Harry was young, and I knew he needed to find a girl who wouldn’t be so difficult to be with. I was already starting to fall for him, so for myself and for him I had to let him go.

When he offered to come visit me for a few days I told him I was busy. Any other time he offered to visit I shot it down, telling him I was busy with work and couldn’t take the time off, or other things. I also started to text him less. It got to the point where He had started asking Kat if my phone was working okay. “A, I don’t know what you’re doing but you need to talk to Harry. He keeps asking me if your phone works and I keep saying I’m not sure, that we don’t text all that much since we live together.” She said to me angrily one day. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll handle it.” Was my reply before she left my room.  My phone buzzed and I looked at it, seeing a text from Louis. As much as I hated it, I had sort of shut him out too. “Autumn what’s going on? Why won’t you text Haz? Is everything okay?”  The text read. “Everything is fine, I’ve just been busy”  I sent back. “Bullshit. I don’t know what you’re pulling but I told you not to hurt my little brother, and you are.”  He sent back and I sighed. I didn’t have a reply to that.

I looked at the phone in my hands, seeing all the missed texts and calls from Harry and I sighed. Obviously being distant with him wasn’t working. I picked up my phone and texted him “Harry please stop texting and calling. I can’t be what you want. I can’t be with you. I need some space, and maybe after a while we can just be friends”  I sent the text and let out a heavy sigh.  My phone buzzed, and I looked at it, seeing Harrys reply. “What did I do wrong? Was it something I said or did? Please talk to me”  I could almost feel the desperation in his words “It wasn’t anything you did. I just don’t feel the same way about you that you seem to feel about me. I don’t want to lead you on.”  I sent back. The words were lies, but he would never know that.  I waited for a reply but it never came. Instead it was a text from Louis “ You fucked up.”  Was all it said, and again I didn’t have an answer. I didn’t know how to explain it to him. I knew they wouldn’t understand.

I shut my phone off and buried my face in my pillow and cried. I knew this was for the best, but that didn’t stop it from hurting. I don’t know how long I cried, but at some point I fell asleep, only to be woken up by Kat screaming at me. She burst into my room and took one look at my face. “Oh honey what’s wrong? Why was your phone off? I tried calling and you didn’t answer. The boys are in a panic. Hold on” She said as her phone went off. “yea she’s home, her phone was off. Mmhmm. Wait what? I don’t know. I’ll talk to you later.” She said before hanging up her phone. “A, did you break up with Harry?” She asked. “you can’t break up with someone you aren’t dating, but yes I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore.” I said, a few tears running down my cheeks. “Why? And don’t say because you don’t care about him because I know you do. You can’t bullshit me I see the way you look at him.” She said, sitting on my bed. “Because he can do better. I want him to be happy and how can anyone be happy with me? I’m so broken.” I said, starting to cry all over again. “He loves you flaws and all, and you just threw that away because you’re scared. You made the mess, you fix it. This time you don’t get sympathy from me for your broken heart. Not when you did it to yourself, and you also broke the heart of a boy who was willing to wait till you were ready, no matter how long it took.” She said before walking out of my room and leaving me alone to cry myself to sleep once more.

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