date (book #1)

entry #5 (part 2)

as you held my hand in yours,

i knew this was it.

every excuse that others have given me,

i knew them all.

i was naive to keep falling in love again and again.

yet i hoped you were different.

it saddened me that

in a few seconds time,

we would be over.

i loved and still love

all the happy memories you've given me

so i could cover the unhappy ones.

the brightness of your smile

blocked out the darkness in me.

as cringey as all this sounds,

i love you.

as tears pooled in my eyes

and you stared or admired long and hard into them,

it was almost as if you were confused.

'why the tears in your beautiful eyes, love?'

and as i sniffled trying to hold them back,

one betrayed me and slipped down.

i broke,

and you held on.

i told you all my thoughts,

and that i knew what was to come.

yet you chuckled in your deep voice

at what a fool i had later learned of myself to be.

'love, who would want to break up with someone as precious as you? i love you and you know that'

and as you wiped my tears away with your thumb,

my mind cleared up,

and i realised that,

i was foolish to think of you like the others.

the others who had broken me

yet you didn't.

you didn't want to break up,

you didn't want to shatter my heart.

you wanted to protect and cherish it

with all of yours.

and as i realised this,

i clung on to you

as if you would disappear if i left go.

you loved me

and that was all i needed to hear.

. . .

we cuddled that night

in your bed,

as you kissed my knuckles and whispered into my ear,

you joked about me thinking we were breaking up

and i blushed, yet again.

to think i was that stupid,

even i was laughing at myself.

as you gently pecked my temple while i fell asleep,

i still thought about the possibility of us breaking up.

as much as i hate it,

as much as i tried to push it back,

it was still in a small thought bubble

floating in my brain.

but i would never tell you that,

because i love you

and i really don't want to jinx myself.

so we slept that night,

you snoring like a pig

and me,

oh me,

was admiring your face till i fell asleep.

(and maybe squished your cheeks a bit too, sorry you look like a mochi)