BLACK WIDOW

nepenthe

nepenthe
(n.)
something the can help you forget grief and suffering

•••

"I could see the beauty in his darkness. But he could see the darkness in my beauty."

•••

"Natalia," whispered Yelena from her bed as the woman who had locked her in her handcuffs walked out the door.

Natalia looked over to her friend in a slight panic. Yelena could not see her, however, since it was dark. But in the months that she had been working the four extra hours with the Winter Soldier, Yelena had always been asleep when Natalia arrived and she could easily avoid the question. The Soldier had told her that Madame B wanted her extra lessons to be kept a secret. And Yelena had been suspicious since the first night.

Natalia had been successfully avoiding the question, but now, she may not be so lucky.

"Why do you say behind for so long every night?" Yelena asked, completely confirming Natalia's thoughts.

She wanted to answer in a way that would confuse, but it only made her think. Why did she stay?

She didn't need the extra lessons. She would still be ahead whether she took them or not.

And the day the idea was presented to her, it seemed like a pretty good idea.

But the truth? The truth was, she loved it. She loved the Soldier's company and he seemed to love hers. He seemed to appreciate how she treats him. She notices more and more how cruelly the other trainers along with Dr. Zola And Colonel Luchkov treat him. And all the girls are afraid of him. And in all honesty, she was exactly the same. All the girls-except for Yelena-seemed to cower at her feet. And all the trainers-except the Winter Soldier-treated her like gum at the bottom of a shoe.

She didn't even want to think about Ivan. She'd rather him abuse her like the rest instead of completely ignoring her. The Soldier has to teach her how to use the spy gear in effect of Ivan not caring whether she lived or died now.

And why wasn't she afraid of the Winter Soldier? She wasn't at all sure. She had thought about it, but could never know if she was really right. He couldn't hold his guard around her. Maybe he was the one who was afraid. Around the other girls and the trainers, he was cold, secluded, and angry. Who wouldn't be afraid? Who wouldn't hate?

But around her, she saw something else. Whatever softness his eyes held the key to, Natalia was the one to open it.

Natalia didn't hate Yelena's presence. She had grown accustomed. Yelena was much like her, only she was nosy. But the Soldier! He was quite the opposite. Behind closed doors, he was so different from Natalia. So inviting. At times, Natalia found herself hating the world and her life. She is cold, untrusting, and angry. The Red in her heart begged to bleed out.

But the Soldier! Without his guard, he was warm. Talkative. Sometimes even humorous. They would have conversations as he taught her how to use all the spy gear. They would even exchange words while sparring. But no matter how often she asked, he would never talk about what she wanted him to. She wanted to know how he ended up here. He was always so sad. He did not choose this life like Natalia did. The only time he would ever smile was when it was necessary in a conversation. In fact, most of the time, he was frowning, his face, vacant with all emotion. But not in a hostile way. He seemed dead. As if he had already lived a life and now was in Hell. Maybe that was the case.

He seemed dead inside until Natalia spoke. Then something would come alive. Something that had been buried deeply into his mind.

Natalia knew she was right. She just didn't know how. The Soldier was once a happy, warm man that probably loved to do things like dancing. But somehow he was here. What a waste, she thought.