happier | jikook (hiatus)

nine: suicide

He really found someone else.

"I feel lonely hyung..." Jungkook stated out of the blue. He frowned.

"What, why?" Taehyung asked while taking something from their fridge.

He felt lonely because of Jimin, he felt lonely because he doesn't have him anymore, Jimin makes him happy, Jimin makes him enjoy the life he's living right now. When Jimin hadn't come in his life before, he just lives like a normal kid who doesn't care about anything, who only study to death because of final exams and go home, eat, lock himself in his room and play video games and sleep.

But then in his last year of college, there his Park Jimin came and there they became classmates and boy friends, then later on, Jungkook asked him out on a date and eventually they got together and became officially together. Their family accepted what and who they are, but Jungkook had this kind of thinking that, yes, their family accepted them as part of the LGBT Community but there are still some people who could be against them and he thought if they were together, they will judge, laugh and discriminate them in the society. Jimin on the other hand doesn't think that way, he thinks positively for the both of them.

But the problem was him, the problem was Jungkook. He let that kind of mind set put their relationship further apart and now he has regrets on his heart.

And now, without Jimin he is nothing, as the saying goes, 'you are me, i am you.' without Jimin he will always feel empty. He'll always be sad, he'll never open his heart again.

"Uh- nothing..." He answered trying to dodge his friend's question, he didn't want to tell him, he wants to keep it to himself that he feels lonely because of Jimin, that he feels depressed because of him. Taehyung just looked at him, brows furrowed knowing that he doesn't want his friend to keep secrets and want him to tell everything he needs to tell.

"You know I don't want you keeping secrets from anyone, right? Because the doctor told you that that could lead to depression, now come on, tell me why is it that you feel lonely, hm?." Taehyung insisted as he took a watermelon out of the fridge and put it on the counter table.

After the day of the break up, Jungkook always had a melancholic feeling inside him, He'd feel depressed every once in a while because of Jimin, because of himself. He'd often stare at nothing when he's alone or when someone is talking to him, and his friends and his brother kept noticing it so they went to a doctor to see if Jungkook had a problem with his head to check if he had hit it on something hard that made him like that.

As they were discussing the health of Jungkook, the doctor said that there's no sign of internal bleeding that could've caused him to be in that kind of state of mind, he concluded that Jungkook was being like that because of depression.

While thoughts are flooding Jungkook's mind, he felt extreme sadness engulfing his aura. He doesn't want to feel this depression. This might make him want to kill himself.

"Nothing... I'll just go to my room now." He excused himself now and went upstairs.

"Okay, but don't cry and lock yourself, again!" Taehyung shouted, Jungkook heard and now, he felt crying.

He locked the door and leaned on it. He looked up trying not to cry, but unfortunately he did.

Tears escaped from both of his eyes, he cried and cried, he could not stop. He went down to the floor hugging his knees and head buried between it.

He felt depressed, he felt angry, he hated himself for not accepting the fact that Jimin doesn't love him anymore.

"No, fucking shit Jeon jungkook! Don't cry! You're a fucking pussy! Stop crying!" I'm a pussy, I'm a coward. His subconscious has awaken.