The fake girlfriend deal. ||BEING HEAVILY EDITED||

Six| Parties. (edited)

  "Thank you Alex." I blush, and allow the adrenaline to overtake me.

 Pretend it's excitement, pretend it's excitement.

     I need to get past my fear, and this is the only way how. I won't allow myself to back out. Not yet.

  We all go outside to walk to the party, and I immediately regret not grabbing a jacket. Maybe my anxiety can keep me warm. 

      The bass and speakers are shaking the ground for half a block. The entire North dorm windows let out slivers of spinning neon lights and people spill out of the door as they drag new partners to their rooms. There's even a few lying around in the bushes. 

     "We got this." Alex squeezes my hand before running into the dorms, she's like a toddler hopped up on sugar, you can never keep up with her.

  I have a feeling I'll be clinging to Diamond most of the night.

  Diamond places her hand on the small of my back and hums, "This is her scene, she's probably doing a keg stand by now." 

  "It'll be fine. One party a semester." I recall my plan for making friends, I just had to get through tonight and I'd be free for another semester. 

   "That and they're doing dance competitions, one of the songs on the setlist is one we choreographed in high school."

   I push through swarms of people, watching as they form their own groups, cliques and couples. Sure enough, Alex is doing a keg stand off to the right. I'm kinda jealous at how extroverted she can be. It must feel amazing.

       "Yeah." I grab a red solo cup and pour a tiny bit of whiskey in it to taste test. "It'll be fun!"

   Whiskey does not taste as good as I remember.

   A few guys come up to us, offering to dance or impress us with their moves, I manage to hold a conversation with one, and somehow it resorts in him taking my hand and pulling me out to the dance floor.

  His hands burn my skin, gripping my hips as I sway against him. "This okay?" He asks me, before setting his hands on my ribs. His touch is fire, I'm sweating and my heart is racing.

   "It's okay." I lie. I want him off of me, away from me. I want him gone.

  He leans down to my lips, "This okay?" He kisses me, it's soft and tastes like vodka. 

   "I'm Yuna." I gasp, taking a half step back but keeping my hands on his shoulders. I can do this, I can do this.

 "I'm Liam." He grins, "You don't seem comfortable right now."   

   "I'm not great with guys." I shrug, I really want to throw up, I really want him to leave.

   "No problem." He actually steps back, he doesn't fight me on it, and I could actually cry for joy. 

       "See? It's not always bad." Diamond pulled me to the center of the floor just as a song I recognize starts playing. 

       I can see Riven leaning against a wall to my right, a girl on either side of him. He's not looking at them, only focusing on the drink in his hand while I let muscle memory carry me away and dance.

  I keep my gaze on a crooked photo on the wall as I dance, I'm actually doing it... In front of a crowd. I've officially lost it.

   The song dies down and diamond takes my hand again. "That was amazing!"

    It was fun, I did actually enjoy some of it, but I've reached my limit and I want to go home. I want to cry. What's wrong with me? I had fun yet here I am wanting to sob. 

 "I feel a little sick, I think I'm gonna head home." I tell her, pressing a kiss to her cheek, "Thank you for tonight, really."

    "I'm proud of you girl. Be careful."

    The room is sweaty and hot and I smell of alcohol and smoke, once I'm outside, the frigid air freezes the sweat on my body, my hair stands on end and nausea overtakes me. 

      Anxiety really sucks.

  "Take it you're not a party person." Riven steps out from behind me, offering a sleepy smile.

   "I'm tired. You can go back." My fingers are shaking from adrenaline.

   I had fun, and yet it's nothing like I remember. I'm tired, my head hurts and I'm lonely. I don't want to go to the dorms, I want to go home.

     Riven shrugs his jacket off and sets it over my shoulders. "It's cold and your clothes are thin, take this."

      I start to walk, and Riven keeps up with me. 

 "Why are you coming with me? I thought you get girls so you don't have to be lonely."

   He shrugs, opening the door to our complex. "I won't be lonely tonight."

 "I'm not good company, Riven."

   "You're great company. Besides, my leg hurts."

     We get to our dorm and I rush to the bathroom where what little food in my stomach makes an exit. My anxiety has reached a point that I can barely keep a meal down anymore. I really do need therapy.

  I hate that so many shows and books make anxiety look cute, it's not. It's vomiting nightly from stress, it's wanting a relationship but feeling sick whenever someone asks you out, it's scratching your skin raw in a breakdown.

  I hate it. I feel weak and stupid and-

   "Man, you have it bad." Riven pushed the door open and grabbed a rag, wetting it and setting it on my neck. He leans down and slides into the floor, sitting against the wall opposite of me.

  "I hate this." I cough up some of the whiskey. "I hate it so much."

   "What's got your brain in a frazzle now?"

     I make eye contact and I can tell Riven isn't trying to chastise me, he genuinely cares. I hate that I'm making such a fool of myself in front of him. 

  "Can we talk about it later? How's your leg?"

    "Well the phantom pains have made a stunning comeback." He rolled his eyes, "I'm ready to drink myself into a stupor."

   "What about the blister?"

 "Even worse."

   "Come on." I grab his hand and stand up slowly, holding onto the wall for balance.

 Riven follows me out into the bedroom and lays down, taking the prosthetic off. I grab some ice from our mini freezer and fridge and hand it to him, sliding a pillow under his leg.

  "Who knew you'd be the nurturing type?" He smiles and grabs a bottle of water, sipping it while I turn the TV on.

   "I'm sorry you have to spend your Friday night in pain and with me."

  "Nah..." He smiles again and his dimple shows. "I don't mind it."

  And for some reason, I believe him, and? I kinda like it too.