The Besotted

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I don't have a cellphone anymore.

I don't have a microwave anymore, and I don't have a way to get to work tomorrow because the money I put aside for this week's transport is gone.

The food I just bought is gone, the braai pack and all the tin stuff, which means our food for the next two weeks is cut in half.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

I don't know how my brother knew I went over to Vivid's house. I know he knew mom was at church-- we try to go every third week once a month or so, but between working and not having time in the week for chores which then fall on the weekends, I don't go as much.

But I did go to Vivid's house earlier, crossed the tracks and everything like I used to - like I still do, and lately, like today, I can't get past their gate.

It's a big, ugly iron thing, has a chain and lock. Their yard is made of a high brick wall. Still can't believe I bred into such a family. Their front door is always closed, so I couldn't see if anyone was home, and Vivid still won't answer my calls.

To say I'm pissed is an understatement at this point, I'm ready to fucking explode.

Anyway nxla, this little boy gets home while I'm screaming my lungs out outside Vivid's gates, and cleans me out.

And for what?

I mean I take him food every single day, walking all over this dump looking for him just to make sure he's okay. I've stopped trying to convince him to come home, or to take a bath but I do try to at least keep him alive.

And he does this to me?

What am I going to do now? It all falls on me, as it always does.

My mom is not angry enough for me which pisses me off even further. Lady, what are we gonna eat? What're we gonna do? How am I gonna be in contact with you when I'm not at home?

What are we gonna do at your check up?

It's on Wednesday. This Wednesday. Today is Sunday.

I can't ask any of my bosses for an advance on my cheque when I already have to ask for a day off.

Shad will be cool though I'm starting to feel like I'm taking advantage of him and the other girls at the club have been murmuring shit about it behind my back.

We are not even going to talk about the Mr Sin, or that Zayn man who's being weirdly nice to me.

I take a long breath and run my hands down my face. My head is starting to pound and my face feels hot in my hands, my chest is heavy but that might have to do with the fire burning a few feet from me -- ran out of dry wood and I just have to use the fire for everything now that I have to extraconserve electricity.

My mom takes a seat on the bench next to me, and I'm not in much of a mood to talk to her. I know she'll just defend my little brother, she always does.

She nudges my knee with hers, "Did you find them?" She asks of Vivid them instead.

I just shake my head, keeping my eyes on a fire infront of me. The sun is setting and in the sunset, this place transforms somehow.