Broken

Chapter 21

Stiles POV

Finally, the day arrives for me to go back to school. I'm still terrified, even after Scott has reassured me over and over again that things will be okay. Melissa, seeing how worried I am, asked if I wanted to take a few more days off to prepare to go back to school better, but I declined the offer. Even though I'm terrified of going back, it's better to go back sooner rather than later. I have to face my fears at some point, right? I think if I go back to school and deal with everything that had been worrying me, it'll help me continue to recover and get better. Of course it's a long process and it could take years for me to be almost fully okay again (I don't think I can ever be 100% okay, depression doesn't really just ever disappear, but at least I'll know how to handle it again), which my therapist reminds me of a lot about how it is a long process to recovery and that I need to put in the effort. Going to school will be a step in the right direction.

For now, since I still hate myself, feel worthless, feel terrified about what has happened to me in the past and I don't think I deserve Scott or Melissa or the other very few good things in my life, I find that I'm trying to get better for Scott's sake. Hopefully, one day, I'll want to start getting better for me. I want to accept me, have self worth and realize that I deserve to be happy too, and therefore want to try anything for that to happen and for me not to fall into a dark hole again. I hope that will happen one day, hopefully sooner rather than later, but for now, trying to get better for Scott's sake is enough to keep me going.

"Stiles, have you got everything? We have to leave in a few minutes!" Scott calls out from somewhere downstairs. I continue to stare at my nervous reflection in the mirror. My breathing is shaky, my heart is racing and my palms are clammy. I don't know if I can do this. I don't want to face everyone at school yet. I'm not ready for the laughter, judgemental glares, snide comments and bullying. I don't want to deal with that. I'm tired of it. I mean, it was one of the reasons why I felt worthless and useless enough to think that ending my own life would be better. Even now, it's debatable whether it was better for me to survive the attempt or not.

"Stiles!" Scott shouts out from downstairs again.

"Y-yeah, I'm coming!" I call back a little shakily. I internally wince, as I know Scott will hear the unease in my voice and will want to know what's wrong. As if on cue, Scott shouts out again.

"Stiles? Are you okay?" Scott calls out worriedly.

"I'm fine, I'm fine!" I reply loudly, hoping pointlessly for Scott to believe me. I know that he won't believe me though. I sigh sadly and close my eyes for a moment, gripping onto the sink more tightly. I try taking deep breaths to calm myself down. I feel like I might be sick. The feeling gets worse the more I think about the negative possibilities that could happen at school. Then, I hear footsteps running up the stairs. I open my eyes just in time to see the reflection of Scott rushing into the bathroom with a worried expression on his face. I sniffle slightly and wipe my eyes before I turn around to face him. Scott stares at me sympathetically.

"It's okay, Scott. Really. I'm okay." I try to reassure him with a fake smile. Scott just me an unamused look, clearly seeing through my lie. "No, Stiles. You're not." Scott states plainly just before he starts walking over to me. His hands reach out and hold onto my waist gently, pulling me closer to him, our noses almost touching.

"It's about school, isn't it?" Scott asks me in a kind, soft voice.

"Yes..." I mumble, looking down at the ground, feeling embarrassed. I wish I wasn't so terrified of going back to school. I know I'll have to do it eventually. I feel a hand gently cup my chin and lift it up so I'm looking at Scott again. He is smiling at me lovingly and with understanding. "Hey, it's okay. I understand why you're anxious about this, Stiles. I would be nervous too, if I were in your position." Scott begins to tell me, his expression full of sincerity and understanding.

"But just know that I'll be right by your side throughout all of this, alright? You don't have to deal with this alone. I can help you. I'll be with you at school as much as I possibly can, I promise. And I'll give the people who might pick on you a piece of my mind if I see them doing or saying anything to you, or you tell me that someone has done something to you. Okay? I promise." Scott reassures me, his hand that was cupping my chin now caressing my cheek. I nod slightly, feeling a little more calmer. Scott always seems to find a way to calm me down.

"Thanks, Scott." I whisper, so grateful to have him in my life. I would be dead without him, literally. I still don't think I deserve him, but Scott seems to love me anyway. I can never repay him enough for that.

"You're welcome, Stiles. I love you. Just remember that." Scott replies with a smile.

"I will." I nod in response.

"Good." Scott replies before he leans in and kisses me. A second later, I melt into the kiss, closing my eyes happily, my heart beating in excitement, my worries and fears slipping away, even if it is just for a few moments. Sparks explode in my stomach as we continue to kiss, which is becoming more and more passionate. I find that my arms are wrapping around Scott's neck, wanting to keep him as close to me as possible, not wanting to let go. Eventually though, we do pull apart, both of us breathless. We are both grinning goofily like dorks in love, which we definitely are. Scott softly presses a kiss to my forehead before taking a few steps backwards from me, still holding onto my hand.

"Come on, baby. We need to go now, if we don't want to be late. I promise it'll be okay." Scott tells me encouragingly. I nod a little bit in understanding, feeling a little better. It makes all the difference to know that Scott is here to support me. I can trust and rely on him. I allow him to guide me out of the bathroom, down the hall and then down the stairs to grab our bags and finish packing our lunch into them.

Once we are done and have double checked that we have everything, we make our way outside and towards my jeep. I unlock it and we toss all of our stuff into the back seats while we both clamber into the front, with me obviously in the driver's seat of course. We both buckle up and then I put the key into the ignition and turn it, the engine roaring to life. I pull out of the driveway and onto the road and drive towards the school, still feeling nervous, but I know I'll be okay because I will have Scott by my side.