Broken

Chapter 12

Scott POV

Hours and hours pass, but I'm still sitting here alone. I'm not taking that as a good sign. Shouldn't I have heard something by now? Some other people come into the waiting room for a while, but leave after maybe an hour or so. Everyone gives me weird or frightened looks. I don't blame them. I look distraught and I'm covered in blood. They probably think I'm some murderer. I rest my chin in my hands as I stare forwards blankly, not really taking anything in at the moment. Right now, I can't feel anything. I'm just numb. All of my pain, fear, sadness, grief, confusion and anger have been dulled for now. I don't know if that's a good thing. I just feel empty. I've cried so much today, I don't think I've got any more tears to cry. However, I know that I will be inevitably crying again soon. I still wish this was some nightmare, but as the more time goes on, I start to realise that this isn't a dream. This is real. Stiles really could be dead. My heart aches once again at the thought of being just too late to save him.

My mind starts to wander back to the time where Stiles saved me from killing myself. He managed to pull me back from that dark ledge, even though I wasn't myself that night, thanks to the wolfsbane in Coach's whistle. I'm really grateful that Stiles did save me that night. We've never really spoken about that night since. I don't know why. It's just something between us that remains unspoken. Maybe just too many things got in the way. Still, even though it wasn't completely me that night that wanted to burn myself alive, it was the most terrifying place that I have ever been in. Wanting to end your life... I don't think people will realize how scary that is until you are in that position yourself. I would never want to go back to that dark place again. I just felt so hopeless, useless and empty. I couldn't find a reason to live. Not even Allison could help me. Stiles however, did find a reason for me to keep fighting. Once again, I am so thankful Stiles did that. I wouldn't be here today without him. Looking back at it now, he was probably battling his own personal demons at the time, not influenced by the wolfsbane, yet he still found a way to save me. I just wish I could have done the same for him. My mind wanders away from this empty, clinical and depressing hospital waiting room and back to that motel we stayed at on that cold, dark night.

I'm standing in a puddle of gasoline, my whole body drenched. I'm gripping onto the flare tightly. I feel so numb and empty. There really is no point in going on anymore. I glance up at my friends, who are looking at me with shock and dismay.

"Scott? Scott?" Allison says in a heartbroken whisper as she watches me with horror. Lydia and Stiles stand slightly behind her. I gaze between the three of them sadly, a few tears rolling down my face, mixing with the gasoline.

"There's no hope." I tell them, basically giving up, letting the numb and empty feeling consume me.

"What do you mean, Scott? There's always hope." Allison tries to convince me, but I'm already too far gone. I shake my head slightly and guilt starts to overtake me as well. "Not for me. Not for Derek." I say in a quiet, broken voice, thinking about the werewolf that died fighting alongside me. Everyone else is going to die too if I don't do something.

"Derek wasn't your fault. You know that." Allison tries again, tears starting to form in her own eyes as she starts to figure out that I am already gone.

"Every time I try to fight back, it just gets worse. People getting hurt. People keep getting killed." I tell my friends, feeling completely helpless. I can't stop all of these murders. I can't stop the alphas. Everyone that I love and care about will continue to die while I can't do anything about it. I don't want to see that. Suddenly, Stiles walks forwards in front of Allison and stands right by the edge of the gasoline puddle. There is a determined look in his eyes, but I can see that he is trying not to cry. "Scott, listen to me, okay? This isn't you, alright? This is someone inside your head telling you to do this. Okay?" Stiles says, trying his best to pull me back to reality, to make me feel something again so I don't give up and let go of the flare.