You Look Like an Angel

Chapter 15: I don't hate you

Sam took a deep breath and looked down at the sheets again.

"Do you still want me to take these away?" Lucifer asked and Sam shook his head.

"No. No, leave them, I –" Sam gulped as clutched the blankets in his hands, "Leave them."

"Ok."

They sat in silence for a while. Tears were still streaming down Sam's face.

"Thank you, Lucifer," Sam whispered, "For...doing all this."

"I couldn't let your soul stay frozen forever, Sam." Lucifer gave Sam a wry smile, "Otherwise I'd have no one to talk to."

"What else can you make?" Sam asked, curiously.

"I can create some food if you like. Bear in mind these are all illusions, but you can still experience it if you remember how." Lucifer told him.

"Why didn't you do something like this earlier?" Sam asked.

"It never occurred to me to try. Besides, I've never had this kind of power in the Cage –at least, not until you came along." Lucifer explained.

"Why do you think that is?" Sam asked.

"I couldn't create images or illusions during my first imprisonment because that was part of my hell –being powerless. But now things have changed. It seems I maintain some of my abilities when I'm with you." Lucifer took a deep breath, "Are you hungry, Sam?"

"Not really." Sam replied.

"Eat anyway." Lucifer said.

"Why?" Sam asked.

"Please, Sam, I...I watched you starve too many times." Lucifer whispered.

Sam froze. Lucifer was referring to the torture he had experienced by the hand of that other being –the one that disguised itself as Lucifer in order to torment both of them—or so Lucifer claimed. Sam took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He had to decide if he was gonna trust Lucifer. And he had to calm the rising terror he faced whenever he let his mind wonder if this was a trap and Lucifer would turn on him at any moment and revert back into that monster.

It was time for a leap of faith.

"Lucifer..." Sam began, "I don't blame you for what happened."

"Don't you?" Lucifer scoffed, "You flinch from my every touch. You watch me like at any moment you believe I'm going to attack you. You don't trust me."

"Can you blame me?" Sam asked.

Lucifer shook his head, "No. But I always did want the impossible."

The angel looked so alone and heartbroken that something clenched inside of Sam's chest. Before he knew what he was doing he had crossed the space between them and pulled Lucifer into a hug.

He heard Lucifer gasp. Then, tentatively, return the embrace.

Sam held him for a moment.

"Not all angels know how to hug." Sam finally whispered in Lucifer's ear.

"I didn't understand either until you became my Vessel and showed me." Lucifer replied, "I learned a lot of things from you." Gentle hands carded through Sam's hair and Sam decided he was ok with that.

"You know, sometimes I think you're the most human of all the angels." Sam commented.

Lucifer pulled away enough to give Sam an incredulous look.

Sam laughed, "Well, you are. You question everything around you, even God, and believe me, that is very human. And you're so emotional. You get jealous, angry, lonely, sad, confused, indignant...I don't think there's a human alive that hasn't felt that. The other angels are so...stoic in comparison. It's like they're so distant that they don't understand what's going on, you know? It's easy to judge from the armchair, but up close is an entirely different story, and I think you know that."

Lucifer gaped at Sam and the human laughed again, "Don't worry—I can't believe I'm saying this, either."

Lucifer scowled, "You certainly have an interesting perspective. I'll give you that much, kiddo."

"Ever think if you got to know the perspective of other humans you might not hate them so much?" Sam asked and Lucifer gave him a skeptical look.

"I mean, that's why you don't hate me, isn't it? Because you got to know me, saw my end of the spectrum?" Sam asked. Then he took a deep breath, "And I think that's why I don't hate you. I might not agree with everything you've done, but I see where you're coming from and...I get it."

Lucifer's mouth came open and his eyes widened. He was gazing up at Sam like he was the most amazing thing in all creation. With a gasp the angel fell limp in Sam's embrace, "No one has ever, ever said that to me..." he whispered.

Sam held him gently, "Well, like I said. Angels are dicks." he whispered into Lucifer's jacket and the angel laughed.

"But I do get you," Sam continued, "And you know what? I think I'm looking forward to getting to know you better. For the rest of eternity."

Lucifer met Sam's eyes and smiled, "I'm looking forward to eternity with you as well." He said.

And for a moment, just a moment, Sam thought that being stuck in Hell might not be so bad after all.

Then, an all-too familiar voice shouted, "LUUUUUUCCCCCY I'M HOOOOOME!"