band imagines • (emo+pop-punk)

Alex Gaskarth Imagine #3

I sighed before looking in the mirror. I already knew how I looked like and I hated it. I was overweight and it bothered me, a lot. It was always this way, me hating myself. My boyfriend Alex knew I did too. Sometimes I caught him looking at me with worry filled eyes. Pity was hidden in there somewhere as well. I mean who wouldn’t feel sorry for a girl who hated every inch of her body?

"Babe?" Alex called from downstairs. I blinked quickly trying to stop the tears that had formed. I looked at my reflection as I spoke, "Yeah?". Seconds later Alex was in our room and shuffling through his clothes. He was leaving on tour tomorrow for five months. I didn’t know what I was going to do without him.

"Fuck, where did I put my phone?" He asked after throwing a few shirts into a luggage. Obviously, he still hadn’t packed.

"I don’t know, want me to call it?" I asked trying to help him out, he seemed really distressed. He looked at me and shook his head. I nodded and turned around but his hand reached my shoulder, turning me back around to face him. He stopped moving and just stared in my eyes. His face dropped and his hand was brought to my cheek.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asked after a few seconds. I shook my head and forced a smile. "I’m fine." He looked me in the eyes a bit longer before shaking his head. "I know you’re not. What’s wrong?".

I sighed and closed my eyes. I did not want to talk to Alex about my weight issues. So instead I looked at the ground hoping he’d leave the issue alone and continue to pack.

He didn’t do that. He just stayed there looking at me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt his stare burning onto my face. He was looking at my fat wasn’t he?

"I’m fine." I repeated again, louder this time. I don’t know why but I cracked, the tears began to fall and I couldn’t control them.

"No. You’re not." He whispered and tried to comfort me but I shrugged him away. I didn’t want his pity. I didn’t need it.

"Please, just stop." I mumbled and covered my face with my hands. What could he have possibly seen in me?

"(Y/N), you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?" He asked one more time. I gave in, he deserved to know what was eating me up inside.

"I can’t do this anymore." I mumbled. I didn’t dare look at Alex. I heard his feet shuffle across the room. "I’ll call the guys, I’ll cancel the tour if that’s what you want."

I turned around and faced him. “That’s not what I want! I want you to go and be happy. That’s not the problem. I just hate myself. You wouldn’t understand. I just wanna be left alone, sorry.” I said then walked out of the room. Alex’s hand caught my arm again, more harshly this time.

I was spun around to be face to face with his brown eyes engulfing me. “(Y/N). You’re beautiful. You’re right I don’t understand, so help me try to.” He finally said.

I shook my head. “I love you. Come on, let’s find your phone.” I said and forced a smile. I didn’t want him to know how broken I was. I didn’t want to hurt him, especially not now that he was going on tour.

I walked back into our room and helped him pack. The night ended quickly, we packed in silence then sat on the couch and watched some TV. Alex was silent, probably because of what I said. He knew about my insecurities, he didn’t know I hated myself.

Before I knew it, the night was over and it was morning. Alex and I shared an awkward goodbye kiss. We both said we loved each other and he promised to call when he arrived in New York. Then he was gone.

The day after Alex had left I cried. I looked in the mirror and cried until I had no more tears left. It was time for a change, I couldn’t live my life hating myself! It was bringing Alex down as well. That’s when I decided I was going to finally be happy. I was going to lose weight.

-Five months later-

I twirled in the mirror and smiled. 50 lbs gone! I had excercised my butt off the past five months. I smiled not only at my new found confidence, but at the fact that today was the day Alex was coming home!

Hours passed and I shakily watched the clock. Any minute now Alex was supposed to be home. He hadn’t know about my weight loss. I mean we talked almost every day but we only skyped during the first two months of his departure. I wanted it to be a surprise.

I made sure his favorite meal was ready and that the table was set. After making sure everything was ready there was nothing left to do then to wait. So I did, once more.

FInally the door opened and Alex’s back came in as he tugged his luggage inside. Anxiety washed over me as I waited for his reaction once he saw me.

"Hey babe, God this luggage is stuck." He mumbled to himself and kicked the luggage inside our house. He sighed and looked up at me. His expression changed quickly. A wide smile appeared on his face as he stood there his eyes glued to me.

"Baby…" He started and walked over to me. I blushed and nodded. He chuckled before walking over to me so our faces were inches apart.

"Hi." I said looking up at him with a smile. He brushed my hair away from my face with the back of his hand as he looked down at me. "Hey."

His hands tugged the loops of my jeans, pulling me closer to him. His lips brushed the tip of my nose as they made their way down to my lips. He kissed me slowly at first, then heated things up. He tugged at my bottom lip and grabbed my hips. I pulled away with raised eyebrows.

"I made your favorite meal. Let’s go eat." I said but he simply shook his head with a smirk. "That’s just gonna have to wait. You’re sexy when you’re confident." His lips re-connected with mine automatically.

I let out a laugh and kissed him back. It was so good to see Alex smile. I realized that night that my happiness wasn’t only for my benefit, but also Alex’s.

Alex lifted me up bridal style and carried me upstairs. He kicked the door open and smiled. “Here we are, my princess.” I laughed and felt his lips begin to kiss my neck.

Being happy mattered so much more than I thought.