Malignant [h.s]

Seventy Two

Harry's hands fall back to his sides and he picks up his glasses again and placing them on his face.

"Harry." I mumble as he picks up the chalk and textbook, scribbling things I'll never understand on the chalkboard.

"Yes babe." He answers with his soothing tone, keeping his eyes glued to the chalkboard.

"What's the angel wings on the back of you neck for?" I ask timidly.

He freezes his entire body, keeping the tip of the chalk pressed against the blackboard. The room goes silent and I don't know whether he's going to freak out or not. My heartbeat picks up drastically in anticipation. I really don't want him to get mad at me for asking a simple question like he's done in the past.

"If you don't want to tell me then its fine. I was just curious." I add, hoping to simmer anything that could potentially make his blood boil.

If I've learned one thing about Harry its that he doesn't do well under pressure when I ask him about personal stuff.

"I..I got it when my sister died." He murmurs while placing the chalk back down and shutting his textbook yet again. He turns around to face me and takes off his glasses.

"Oh," I begin as I analyze his calm features. "Were you close?" I ask while sitting up on the side of his desk. I remember him drunkenly telling me she committed suicide, also he admitted that she never spoke a word.

"She was hypothetically attached to my hip until I got sent off to juvy." He says while slowly walking over to me.

"Then what did she do when you left?" I grip my hands on the edge of the dark wooden desk.

He walks his tall body over to my direction, placing his hands on the desk and leaning forward to meet eye level with me.

"She was alone, she had no one. I abandoned her for years in that cold cruel place of a foster house. I spent my night praying to a god I didn't even believe- hoping she'd get adopted and have a nice home." He explains while burning his green eyes millimetres in front of mine.

"How old were you when.. you know." My voice trails out near the end, implying a touchy question.

"I was eighteen. I found her in a bathtub with a bottle of pills she had taken." He looks at me, almost forcing out the words. I inhale sharply at the thought of what he went through finding her.

"That's awful Harry." I say sympathetically while running my hand back through his hair.

He forms his soft lips to a line and nods slowly. The bruises stay prominent under his eyes and up the sides of his nose as he looks at me in a way that makes me feel like I've known him for a lifetime. I no longer look at this face and think of anger and demonic thoughts- I look at him and I see.. compassion and warmth.

I see him in a whole new light now- a light that only flicks on for me to see.

"She deserves so much more in life- she really did." He clears his throat mid sentence.

"I'm sure she did," I immediately agree, even though I never knew her. "She never left you anything? A note?" I whisper while running my fingers back through his hair again- hoping he stays relaxed and doesn't get too overwhelmed.

"Um.." He hesitantly begins, clearing his throat. "No, no she left me nothing." His fragile voice whispers while looking down at the ground for a quick second.

"Hey," I mumble while tilting his chin back up to face me. He doesn't look like he's going to cry or anything but I can definitely tell this is a hard topic for him. He probably feels like it's his fault because he got himself in jail and left her alone for all the time.

I lean in and press my lips to his, lightly leaving my hand on his cheek. His eyes shut with mine and he keeps our parted lips pressed together, not rushing any need to pull away.

"I've made so many bad choices in my life, but the only one I regret is not being a better brother to her. I was all she had." He mumbles while pulling our lips apart.

"You can't say that Harry, you tried to keep her safe." I interject.

"No, I didn't try hard enough. I was a coke head who focused constantly on what was going to give me my next high. I spent my days deciding where I was going to possible get enough money for my next line and what bitch I was going to fuck during it. I was a teenage scumbag that just cared about climbing up on to a lifeline to silence the demons in my head that I didn't even realize my sister was the one drowning all along. She was the one suffering the most- dealing with her own demons. And I was never there for her Amelia. I never got it through the thick fucking skull that she was withering away into nothing as I was going out everyday for artificial substances that I thought could mask the pain in my body. I was a horrible bother, and once I realized it.. I was too late." He spills out, wrapping me in his pained words that hold so much history.

I sit silently for a moment, flickering my eyes back and forth between his broken emerald ones. I can't believe some people grow up like this- abandoned and hurt. Their so much hiding in that head of his that it even overwhelmed me just talking about it.

"Harry- you can't let these things affect how you remember your sisters passing. You were young, scared and conflicted about what your purpose was in life. You had your own hardships as she had hers. Sometimes we get so tangled up in our own thoughts that everything else around us gets blurry. It's okay." I try to comfort while digging around in his past. He has obviously held this guilt over himself all these years and it's not my place to tell him what's right or wrong, but nonetheless I know that his intentions were never to let his sister do this to herself.

He stares at me softly, looking like he's taking in everything I'm saying. I know I won't be able to change that guilt that's been buried inside him for five years- but I can try and have him make peace with it.

"You're really wise, you know that?" He almost whispers while glancing at my lips.

"Sometimes it's nice to talk to someone about these things rather then keep them buried up inside. What was her name?" I murmur while running my hand up his cheek.

"Elizabeth." He murmurs.

What a pretty name.

I slowly nod and lean forward, pressing my lips to his yet again while softly lacing my fingers in his hair.