By Heart - A BTS Jhope Fanfiction

emotions

8:40pm

Mina's POV

My heart dropped. I did not intend to tell him today. Or like this. Yesterday, I thought about ditching my flight, but my situation for me here in Korea still would be the same than before...a handful of friends, no family, a job I'm not happy with and barely accepted by society. So many thoughts whirl around in my head and it hurts. Not only on an emotional level. What should I tell him? Surely nothing else than the truth. But how? What does this look like? It suddenly feels like I selfishly used him, not considering how he might feel at all... I'm a terrible person.

Me: "Uhm, no", I finally started speaking with a broken voice. "it's actually the opposite. I'm sorry, I did not tell you." Warm tears started to flow down my cheeks as I shamefully look down to my feet. "It's just... so difficult and I feel so foreign..and I'm sorry."

Was that okay? Were this the right words? My head started to light up in flames as I look for them. I'm so dizzy and full of thoughts, full of regret and disappointment about myself. I should have told him beforehand, so he could have decided if it's worth going out with me. I'm fighting with my emotions, not being sure about how to feel. Maybe it's just because I'm tired, maybe because I hit my head, but I certainly did not want him to be angry at me for lying to him. I reached for my face to wipe off my tears when I felt his hands pulling me into his embrace.

JHope: "You should get some rest, Mina. You can tell me properly when your head feels better. Okay?" He carefully strokes the back of my head, but his kind words had a touch of sadness in them. "Please be happy and sleep well."

Me: "Of course." I'm so relieved he managed to find what I was looking for. "Thank you, Hoseok." Everything he says and does feels like on another level, like he did nothing but comforting people for all the time he could think. He truly is a ray of sunshine.

JHope: "I like it when you call me Hoseok." He draws back and gives me a warm smile. "Please say my name more often from now on."

Me: "I will." I nod firmly. I won't make any other mistakes in front of this man. He deserves all my honesty and I will tell him the whole story next time. Even if he's so busy for me to ditch my flight anyways. "Please drive carefully and text me when you're home."

JHope: "I surely will." He leans in to plant a light kiss on my cheek before hopping off to his car. "Bye, Mina!"

I did not say anything, I just expressionlessly waved in the dark he just entered, my cheeks burning like I just got slapped.

After quite a minute of thinking absolutely nothing it hit me like a brick.

His lips
Just
Touched
My
Cheek

*Internally Screaming*

It's been quite some time since I experienced skinship like this. How long was it? Three years? Four? I cannot even remember. I shut the door before throwing my body on the mattress to scream all emotions into my pillow. Hooow! How can he even manage to pull off something like this so confidently! And why me! And why now!

The ache of my head cuts me off. I should take some painkillers and sleep.

But Mina, at least make sure he got home safely. I decided to slowly start brushing my teeth and get ready for bed as I keep checking my phone for texts. Nothing.

What should I tell him? That I decided to start a new chapter of my life by going back? What will his reaction be? What if he decides to distance himself from me so I'd have an easier decision... what if... so many "what if's". I want to get rid of this uneasiness as quickly as possible. I want to talk to him to clear things up, even if he will be mad afterwards. Am I overthinking? He'll probably play it cool as always. I sigh as I stare at my phone. Still no text... and it's been twenty minutes already. I mean, packed boxes in my living room could mean anything. I could move around Seoul or Korea. Or just re-decorate my apartment. It's nothing special, right?