Barely Holding On

Prologue

When I was younger, I thought that the world we lived in was a fairy-tale. I've heard stories so many times of princesses and prince's falling in love or damsels in distress being saved by her knight in shining armor. Growing up, the notion of love was fascinating to me. I could only dream about finding the love of my life one day, my "soul-mate", the one who would love and cherish me forever. Until that one fateful day where my view on love completely shattered, as did my heart, until it was nothingness on the floor. That day was when my "mother" decided that my family, I, wasn't good enough anymore and she just left. I remember it  like it was just yesterday, I was only 13 years old, and her and my dad were arguing, like they had been for weeks. I didn't think anything of it at the time until I heard her say the dreaded words that I would always remember. Standing across from my dad, and in front of me she yelled,

"I never wanted you or her! This is not and has never been the life I wanted!"

With those final parting words, she pulled open our front door, walked out, and never looked back.

Since that day, things have changed. My dad stepped in and became not only my dad, but my mom as well. He had to feed me, shelter me, buy me school supplies, and even run to the grocery store for feminine products when I had an emergency. One might think that this created an unbreakable bond between father and daughter, but unfortunately that would be wrong. He did all those things for me because he was my dad, he had to take care of me even though I could tell his heart wasn't really into it. Dinner's became quiet and I started to see him less and less. I used to be his princess, his little girl that could always put a smile on his face. Now, I'm a girl who reminds him of the women who broke his heart, the girl who will never be good enough for the man who she calls dad.

Although it has been five years since the incident, I still cannot get over the fact that my mother just left. I try not to dwell on the topic for too long but sometimes it pops into my subconscious without an invitation. Ever since that day, and the days following, I realized that love is just an illusion; a way to trap people while also weakening them. I guess that is just what reality does to us though. It shows people the truth about life and we have the choice whether to be naïve or not. I decided that naivety is not the route for me and instead I live life knowing the truth about love and relationships.