Henry & Regina
⠀
Henry: Mom there's someone at the door.
Regina: Then why don't you answer it?
Henry: I can't.
Regina: Why?
Henry: I'm doing my homework.
Regina: Right...Since when?
Henry: .....JUST ANSWER THE DOOR!
Regina: Excuse me?!
Henry: Oh uhm, I think I was just possessed by a ghost just then...What just happened?
Regina: Between you, your grandparents and two baboon parents, I am developing multiple migraines...Henry Christopher Mills, I am only going to warn you once and just this once because I don't have then energy to chastise you right now, IF YOU EVER YELL AT ME OR DEMAND ME TO DO SOMETHING, YOU WILL HAVE 3 SHOES! TWO ON YOUR FEET AND ONE WHERE THE SUN DOES NOT SHINE! UNDERSTOOD?!
Henry: Where the sun doesn't shine?
Regina: That isn't the point! The point is you will respect me as your mother. Is that clear?!
Henry: Yes ma'm
Regina: Good.
Henry: Are you going to answer the door? Or nah?
Regina: Run...run fast....
Henry: I'm calling Emma!
Regina: She better run too!
Hook & Charming
⠀
Hook: Ahoy mate!
Charming: Hook?
Hook: What other bloody person do you know that talks like that?
Charming: You're right that was a stupid question. What's up?
Hook: I am requesting something from you.
Charming: What?
Hook: A date with Emma.
Charming: ......DUDE!
Hook: I know we're mates but your daughter lights my fire.
Charming: I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO SET YOU TWO UP FOR MONTHS!
Hook: I lo- wait you have?!
Charming: Yes!! Of course you can date her. Just as soon as you sign a contract.
Hook: A contract? I'm not buying a house, mate.
Charming: Joke all you want but to date her, I need your signature.
Hook: What is the contract about?
Charming: That if you hurt my daughter, you have given me permission to kick your ass.
Hook: ...........
Charming: Well?
Hook: After a long talk with me, myself and my floor, we decided to sign the contract.
Charming: Wonderful! Come by my house in an hour.
Hook: Just don't do anything to the face area.
Charming: I'm not making any promises...
Snow, Emma & Charming
⠀
Snow: Emma dear, are you busy?
Emma: No, just on my lunch break.
Charming: We wanted to ask you something...
Emma: Okaaaay....What is it?
Snow: Can we use your baby blanket?
Emma: For what?
Charming: The baby...
Snow: It's just temporary, until Granny finishes the new one.
Emma: But...it has my name on it. And it's old and stuff. I'll buy a new one for him.
Snow: Since he's magical too, we figured your blanket would be the safest to swaddle him in.
Charming: And we'll wash it.
Emma: .....No
Charming: What?
Snow: Why?
Emma: Because it's mine and that's not fair.
Snow: Explain what you mean by not fair.
Emma: For 28 years that's all I had to remember you by, to remind myself that I had parents. And that kid gets to grow up with the both of you and you want me to give up the only thing I cherish.
Charming: Sweetheart it's just a blanket, we're here now and we are never leaving you again. You're going to have to learn to share.
Emma: Bullshit. And it's what the blanket represents!
Snow: Emma!
Charming: Don't make me wash your mouth out with soap.
Snow: It's okay to feel this way honey but don't dwell on stuff like this or you will end up like Zelena.
Emma: ............
Charming: But greener.
Emma: I'll go buy the little angel a blanket right now.
Snow: Thank you sweetheart. And we're sorry for asking for your blanket, we should've known better.
Charming: Yes, we were wrong about that but this is your little brother and you will have to learn to share.
Emma: Yeah, I know. This is just going to take some getting used to.
Snow: We could all go to a therapy session with Archie.
Charming: That's actually a good idea.
Emma: Wine is my therapist.
Charming: We're going! End of discussion.
Emma: You guys realize I'm grown right?
Snow: And we're still your parents that you're too jealous to share. Don't think we don't notice.
Emma: Ugh fine! Don't expect me to hold back though. Y'all have ruined my brain, can't even eat tacos anymore.
Regina & Robin
⠀
Regina: How's my favorite thief?
Robin: Fine. I just put Roland down for a nap and Henry was so tired he fell asleep too. And how's my favorite queen?
Regina: I'm fine now that I'm talking to you. Thank you again for spending time with him, he really enjoys it.
Robin: It's no problem, I enjoy it too. He's a bright, adventurous young man. Reminds me of myself when I was his age.
Regina: I'm glad you two get along so well. I think he looks up to you.
Robin: Aww well I'm honored. Roland has really latched onto you as well.
Regina: That little cutie, I enjoy spending time with all my handsome men.
Robin: Speaking of spending time with your handsome man, we still on for our date tonight?
Regina: Wouldn't miss it for the world.
Robin: Good. But I must admit, someone has been texting me random stuff.
Regina: What have they been saying?
Robin: That Emma is your true love...
Regina: .....Mother. I am SO sorry, that is my mother. She has this whacked out idea that Emma and I are meant to be together. The next time she texts you, just ignore it. I'll handle her when I get home.
Robin: It seems like half the town is obsessed with SwanQueen.
Cora: VIVA LA SWANQUEEN MY NAVY BOAT WILL NEVER SINK! OUTLAWQUEEN MAY BE BIG BUT IT IS LIKE THE TITANIC, IT WILL SINK!
Regina: MOTHER I SWEAR ON YOUR COLD, LIFELESS HEART IF YOU DO NOT STOP SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN!
Robin: This is so awkward.
Cora: You have NO RIGHT dating a damn thief who lives in the woods. You want to smell like pinecones all the time Regina? Is that it? Are you punishing me by doing this? Hm?!
Regina: Mother I love him!
Robin: You do?
Regina: ....Yes
Robin: Oh thank heavens! I love you too!
Cora: I'm going to be sick. THIS IS NOT OVER, THIS WILL NOT PREVAIL!
Regina: Oh Robin!
Robin: We'll discuss this some more later tonight okay?
Regina: Okay, can't wait dear.
Cora: I hope Zelena kisses him....
Regina: MOTHER!
