Twelve

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I stood on the cold white tile floor of my bathroom, staring at it. It daunted me, consumed my entire mind. This shouldn't be this hard. It shouldn't be that big of a deal. But it was.

The white digital scale stared back at me, motionless. It waited for me to step on it so it could tell me my fate. What would I do next? Would I smile? Cry? I didn't know.

It took every ounce of my courage and strength to step on it. The number danced across the tiny screen, calculating what it would tell me. It taunted me. It felt like an eternity was passing by, although it was merely five seconds. My throat constricted as I closed my eyes, not wanting to look at my result. After a deep breath, I counted to three, and glanced down at the number.

102.7

I smiled. Letting all the air out from my lungs, I blinked a few times to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. Thankfully I wasn't. I had finally broken 103.

I sank down with my back against the wall, hugging my knees to my chest. My chin rested on my knee caps as the events of the past few months ran through my mind like a movie. Everything relating to my disorder was spelled out in front of me; every time I weighed myself I went through the same awful routine. It was just my OCD catching up to me though, I couldn't blame myself for it. That one wasn't my fault.

My eating disorder was, on the other hand, my complete and utter fault. I let myself be too vulnerable. Too nice. Too trusting. I never let things get to me. Until Jackson. His friends were the worst. They bullied me because I wasn't model thin like all their girlfriends. I would've let it roll off my back if Jackson had stood up for me. But no, he just laughed along with them, telling me that it was just a joke.

A month after we broke up, I developed what's known as EDNOS: Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified. That means I don't meet all the criteria for one of the major EDs such as anorexia or bulimia. It is one of the most deadly disorders because it goes unnoticed.

The only one who knows is Stiles. Since I was already in therapy, I needed not to tell my mom and so I've been battling with my own mind every day and she doesn't know.

I let a single tear fall from my eye but I knew I couldn't let myself cry. I couldn't go to school with puffy red eyes. So what did I do? I picked myself up, shut out all emotion, and got ready for the school day. Once I had all my makeup and clothing on, I walked confidently out of the bathroom and down the stairs to where Scott was waiting with Isaac.

"Isaac?" I asked, my heart racing. "What're you doing here?"

"I thought you would like a ride to school?" He responded with a nervous smile.

"Aw that's so sweet of you! I'd love a ride, let me just grab my jacket!" I smiled from ear to eat as I picked my black leather jacket off of the rack and slid it over my gray Anthem Made tank top. I slid my black iPhone into the back pocket of my distressed jeans before hearing the clop-clop of my combat boots on the hardwood floor.

Isaac opened the door for me. "After you beautiful," He winked, causing my face to turn the shade of a very ripe tomato.

"Okay I'm leaving before this gets gross!" Scott exclaimed, sprinting to his bike and leaving the driveway before I could even think of a witty comeback.

The drive to school was really fun and it got my mind off of the fact I had to pretend to like Jackson again as soon as I walked into school. I made Isaac turn on the radio and as soon as the song blasted through the speakers, I almost shit myself.

"Oh my god!" I squealed, turning the volume up.

"What?"

"I love this song!" I shushed him before he could say anything else, forcing a smirk to appear on his face. I began singing with the song. "I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house. That don't bother me. I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out. I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though going on with you gone still upsets me. There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay, but that's not what gets me!

"What hurts the mooost! Was being soooo close! And having so much to say. And watching you walk away! And never knowing what could have beeeen. And not seeing that loving youu is what I was trying to do." The rest of the song played and I continued to belt it as well as I could without letting my voice crack.

As soon as it was over Isaac spoke. "Damn. You have an amazing voice."

"Thanks," I smiled, feeling a slight blush tickle my cheeks. I wasn't used to a lot of compliments from boys due to Jackson.

When we pulled into the school lot, I felt my hands begin to sweat and my throat constrict. This was it. The moment of truth. I slid out of the car and met Isaac at the back where he slung his arm around my shoulders.

"Isaac?" I nervously said, my voice shaking.

"What's wrong?" He asked, my expression all telling.

"You're going to see something today. And I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I have a good reason that I'll disclose to you at a later time. But I can't right now. Just know I didn't want to do it and I did it to protect someone. So please just don't be upset or mad or annoyed. Just trust me. Promise?"

"Is it really bad?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. I promise," he swore before connecting his lips with mine. When he pulled away, I knew everything was going to be okay. He would be there for me. I just needed to figure out how to get out if Jackson's radar. I pulled open the school doors, ready to face my fate.

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