Titanium

Part 26-Hana

Disclaimer: I own only my words. 

Hana

I don't know how long I stay with Julian. We end up just lying on a blanket in a clearing, just staring at the stars, fingers intertwined. 

We talk every once in a while, catching up on things we missed, I end up laughing really for the first time since last summer. It feels good. 

but mostly we just sit there in silence. Gazing at the stars, I can't help but think about how small we are, how much more is out there than what id here on earth. Yet it everything feels so important. When really we mean nothing to the universe. We are simply specs of dust on a planet just trying their best to get by. 

As Julian turns his head to kiss my cheek, I think about all that I have done to get by. Getting the cure. Almost Marrying Fred. Leaving my family behind. Coming to the Wilds. I think back to my family, wondering what exactly they are doing now. Are they worried sick about me? Do they think died in the bomb as Fred probably did? Or do they know exactly where I am, and hate me for it? Hate me for not being that perfect daughter they always imagined. 

I wonder what I have done to them. Once it gets out - and it will get out - that I am in the Wilds, they will be punished. Shunned from society and sent to the Highlands, just like Lena's family. Or maybe they will be suspected as sympathizers. Have I just cost my family a life in the crypts? Or a life that will be cut short?

I must tense as I think this, because Julian's grip tightens on my hand. He turns to face me and guides my face toward his, so I am looking him right in the eyes. 

"Hey," he says, wiping a fallen tear on my cheek that I didn't know was there. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I nod slightly. "just thinking about my parents." Despite how much I bickered with them and hated them sometimes, they were still my family, I still cared about them. I still.... I still loved them.

"I know. It's hard to think about all the people you've left. But it'll get easier, you'll get a new family here,"

he takes a deep breath as he looks into my eyes. His breath tickles my skin as he breathes out and a shiver runs down my spine. "A family that you are completely free to love."

I wrap my arms around him and lay my head on his chest. Another aching feeling of something close to hatred for Lena for hurting this boy surges in me. I push it down. If she had never cared about him then he wouldn't be here. And if she had loved him, he would be able to love me. Maybe I can get a new family. 

With those thoughts drifting in my mind, and Julians steady heartbeat against my ear, I fall into a peaceful sleep. 

A/N: Sorry it's kinda short. I loke writing Lena a lot more than Hana. 

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-Dauntlessinvalid