s t a r v i n g || y o o n m i n

八

Trigger warning : bulimia/forced vomiting

It was hard. It was hard to only have small saucers of food. It was hard to drink water when he was actually hungry. It was hard to lie to his friends and family about eating.

But it was even harder to look into the mirror and feel disgusted of what he saw.

-

The seniors received their test scores back. Taehyung, as well as Hoseok, whom he met through Jimin, congratulated each other on a job well done.

Jimin was there too, his figure alarming two both them once he showed up. He brushed away their worried speeches like it was dust. It was great that he passed with flying colors but it didn't change the fact that he cared more of how he looked.

He had been very disciplined with his diet and thought he did a good job in maintaining it.

Due to the amount of free time he had after finals, the dance team of the school gotten a lot of performance opportunities for big showcases.

Which meant the members had to practice a lot.

Hoseok was very honored. Out of all the dance teams in Seoul, his team was given the chances at big venues. He should be happy, but he worried a lot about one member who looked like he was working himself too much.

Hoseok could see Jimin was giving his all. Constantly perfecting his steps and asking him for more rehearsals, Hoseok knew he was overworking himself.

Come to think of it, the more he observed the younger, the more he realized that Jimin was pushing himself negatively.

He saw the look of exhaustion, panting loudly and sweat dripping. After completing the choreography without any flaws, Jimin was asking someone to replay the song over and over again.

This seemed bad. Worst when he spotted the extremely small boy so thin.

But no matter how many times Hoseok advised him to take a break, Jimin would snap back at him involuntary. "We have to keep practicing. We need to be perfect."

Hoseok looked at him with worried eyes, turning around to leave until he heard the younger mumble something that made him more worried than he should.

"I need to be perfect."

-

Excluding Jimin being the reason of their forum, the boy's health was the main cause.

It was inevitable to watch the skin on Jimin's body tighten to the point they could see his bones.

On the other side, Taehyung was carefully watching his diet. To say he wasn't eating anything was untrue, but only eating half a grapefruit and a glass of water for lunch was too little, even for Jimin. Somedays he noticed that Jimin never brought anything at all, claiming he was in a rush earlier that morning and 'forgot' both his lunch and wallet. The friendly gesture of offering him some money would always be denied as the boy used different excuses every time, mainly saying he had to practice him Hoseok. He left before Taehyung could protest.

Until he found Hoseok chilling on the bleachers in the school gym did he knew that he was being lied to.

They both talked, putting one and one together. They haven't confirm it yet, due to the person of the conversation dodging their greetings. Unless Jimin admitted himself, they were unsure whether if they figured out their friend might have an eating disorder.

In the end, they made a deal of watching the boy more observantly.

-

Jimin returned home with his stomach howling at him. He was hungry but he wanted to believe that it was just thirst instead, tricking his mind into believing he wanted food. (Which he certainly didn't want any)

He headed to the kitchen but came to a standstill after passing the dinning table.

Usually he would be extremely happy to see fried chicken, grilled cheese sandwiches and chocolate cake.

Now, all he sees is a bowl of sizzling grease, a plate of fattening carbs and a high-sugary dome of disaster.

It was no use trying to ignore the growing grumble of his stomach, begging him to do what he tried so hard not too.

The endless battle between his mind and his stomach felt like World War 2.

One side; scolding him to keep it under control while the other was screaming at him to raise the white flag.

Like a ticking time-bomb, his mind exploded in a matter of minutes.

Grabbing a piece of a drumstick, biting down hungrily on the meat whilst tearing the crispy layer of skin.

The moan that came out of his mouth indicated the feeling he hadn't expressed in a long time.

He wanted more.

He took a piece of grilled cheese with the other, non-greased hand and devoured it. The bread was soft and the added flavor of cheese was engulfing his taste buds. Food had never tasted so good.

The sandwich disappeared in a matter of seconds. As he was about to have another one, the voice in his head started shouting.

'What the fuck do you think you're doing?!'

"I-"

'No! Drop the fucking chicken now! Do you know how much fat is in it?'

The voice was scaring him, doing as he was told, he obliged then settled the chicken down, leaving his fingers coated in grease.

'Don't forget. You ate a piece of that dairy filled shit you call food. What are you a pig?'

Referring to the grilled cheese, Jimin knew that he shouldn't have touch, no, shouldn't have even glanced at the sandwiches if he knew he was gonna break his streak of having little food.

He felt bad, really bad. That was him feeling guilty. Guilty of having those types of food. Eating the chicken was bad enough, was the cheese and bread worth it?

"But I was hungry and-"

'And you let your desires get the best of it.'

The guilt slowly took over my brain. Lowering his self-esteem into the abyss. He wanted to cry, he wanted to beat himself up for breaking his calorie intake. But those could never add up to the unpleasant feeling in his stomach. He clutched his tummy, groaned in agony.

"What do I do?" Out of frustration, he grabbed ahold of his hair with his elbows placed on the table.

'You get that shit out.'

"What?"

'You get that shit out of your body, right now.'

"But I'd have to wait for hours-"

'Not shitting it out, throw up. It's easier, faster, and you'll feel better in seconds.'

"How?" Desperately wanting a solution.

'Sick two fingers down your throat until you feel nauseous and voila! It will burn but you'll feel better once you've done it, so much better.'

(a/n please dont go a gag yourself after reading this, i dont mean to cause any harm to anyone)

Jimin's mind was debating with his body. He didn't know if it was gonna solve the dilemma happening, but the cries from his poor stomach was getting louder and louder.

He stood up and went to the bathroom.