Baby on Board

5 Weeks

Maybe if I cry, daideó will come back and rescue me and then he can take me out for a walk in my pram and show me where the duckies live. I like going to see where the duckies live. I don't like the duckies, though. They look terrifying. I just like the pond. 

Ok, I'll cry. I have nothing to lose.

Oh, no. Abort mission. ABORT MISSION. ABORT MISSION. 

My plans to get daideó's attention has not gone to plan. Uncle Adam has picked me up and his beard is making my head itch. If my cries get louder, someone will think he's the one making me upset and then Uncle Adam will pass me on to someone else and I'll just keep crying until daideó picks me up and then I can stop crying once he puts me in the pram and takes me to the duckie pond. 

"Ada, you're making her cry," Aunt Emma chimes in. My plan is working a treat so far. All she needs to do now is tell him to give me to her. Come on, Aunt Emma, be a babe and do this for me. "Give her here."

Right, I just need to get from her to... um... Uncle Lucas? No, maybe he'll play his guitar and I'll fall asleep and then daideó won't take me out in my pram. Maybe Uncle Dan will be a good person to go to next. How can I get from here to there, though? Urgh, my don't my legs work like these adult legs work? All I can do with my legs is kick them out. 

Oh, now that could work. Kick. Kick. Kick. I forgot how much fun it is to kick. It annoyed Mummy all the time and she would tell me to stop kicking but it's really fun! Kick. Kick. Kick. Cry. Cry. Cry. Kick. Scram. Kick.

"Let me give it a go," Uncle Dan says. His tone of voice is unpleasant and I don't think I like it. I'll give him a big kick once Aunt Emma passes me over. Uncle Dan starts to rock me back and forth and it's making me sick. Being sick was not in the plan. Time to kick him. It has to be done. "Ow, you tiny devil. Why did you kick me?"

Honestly, he's the only man who would prefer it if I went sick over his shirt. Idiot. For good measure, I may just give him what he wants. 

Before I get the chance, mémé comes to the rescue and takes me from Uncle Dan. Good riddance to him. His aftershave was disgusting too. I poke my tongue out and blow. Mémé laughs at the noise I make but within seconds of her holding me, a loud buzzer goes off, the pitch so high that it makes me scream. 

"Jimmy, come here!" Mémé shouts for my daideó. "Come and take the baby so I can finish cooking."

From the living room, my daideó comes to rescue me. I shall forgive him for ignoring me earlier now that he's here. He scoops me up and gently rests my head against his shoulder and starts to pat my back. Now, this is the life!

"How long will food take to cook?" Daideó asks Mémé. She tells him that it'll be about another hour, give or take. I feel daideó nod. "In that case, I might take this diva for a walk. Going to the duck pond always seems to settle her."

Bingo! Now, that's what I've been crying about. 

When I'm all settled in my pram, daideó announces that he's taking me for a walk and asks if anyone else wants to come. To my horror, Daddy says that he'll tag along. This was not part of the deal, daideó. Not part of the deal, at all. I've changed my mind. I don't want to go anymore. Get me the hell out of my pram. I want my mummy. Men are useless. 

"Come on then, sweetheart," Daddy coos at me. I stare at him and blow through my lips, making that funny noise that mémé liked earlier. "That's cute, Sera. Let's go for a walk."

Daddy lets my daideó push the pram and I'm ok with that. It's the best case scenario, really. While we walk, I can feel something cold tickle my face. I gurgle and turn my head away, feeling another cry about to come on. Before it happens, though, Daddy says, "Jimmy, hold on a sec. She needs her little hat and blankie."