secrets ↠ demi lovato / 5h

[14]

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that I love the chaos that happen backstage at the X Factor every week.

As I stood against the wall of the backstage prep area, I took in all the shouting and yelling and dropped bobby pins and lack of foundation and broken microphones for one last time.

Finale day.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I've loved every moment of the X Factor, even when Simon criticized me, even when I hit a bad note while singing Katelyn's tribute song, even when I've had to have Demi (sleepily) hold me tight in the middle of the night when I woke up panicking. I also made more friends then I've ever had in my entire lifetime, and that's pretty rad.

But this was the last thing Katelyn wanted me to do. Now it was all going to be over, and I wouldn't be making Katelyn proud any longer.

I caught a can of hairspray flying across the room. "Who's is this?" I yelled.

"Here!" a faint cry from the other side of the room. I flung it back in the vague direction the voice came from. When I didn't hear the clunk of it hitting someone or something, I assumed whoever it was had caught it.

I went back to musing. I didn't even get time to collect my thoughts before my phone buzzed once, then twice, then suddenly wouldn't stop going.

@ddlovato: East Coast! #XFfinale starts in HALF AN HOUR!!!! Who's tuning in?

@PaulinaRubio: I am! RT @ddlovato: East Coast! #XFfinale starts in HALF AN HOUR!!!! Who's tuning in?

@sephyxoxo: HEY FRIENDS! IT WOULD BE COOL IF YOU WATCHED THE #XFfinale TONIGHT!

@KellyRowland: Getting my hair and makeup done for tonight's #XFfinale pic.twitter.com/JOa47s7fh3

@TobiasBeton23: #XFfinale tonight! With my favorite friends @MsLeaRochelle @maarieexx @brookewhite46 @sephyxoxo

@maarieexx: I love you guys! RT @TobiasBeton23: #XFfinale tonight! With my favorite friends @MsLeaRochelle @maarieexx @brookewhite46

I retweeted them and tweeted once to join in:

@MsLeaRochelle: why not spend a Thursday evening watching the #XFfinale?! I'd do it if I were you... =] x

A sudden tap on my shoulder had me jumping like I never jumped before. Seriously. That stuff's scary.

"Sorry!" Demi apologized sheepishly.

I placed my hand over my heart to calm myself down. "Really, Demetria."

"Can we talk?" she asked directly. Seeing my look of confusion, her voice dropped to a whisper. "Alone."

Damn. I don't even remember doing anything remotely wrong.

I let her lead me to a quiet corner behind the door.

"Lea, you know how proud I am of you, right?" Demi asked seriously.

"Mmmm?" I vaguely replied. I still wasn't good with endearment or compliments. Believe me, it's hard to accept when all you've been doing is pushing away.

"Well, you know what?"

"What?"

"I'm more proud of you than I ever was, and after tonight I'm going to be even prouder. You've been eating, you've been relaxing, you've been getting stronger and stronger, mentally as well as physically. It's been two months Lea, and what you've been accomplishing is freaking amazing! You're panicking less and less. You've been waking up early and making me breakfast in the mornings. And you eat with me. I haven't had to calm you down in a while. That's progress right there, Lea. Like, last night we had chocolate fudge ice cream. And don't think I didn't notice this - you panicked when you saw it. But what did you do? You picked a bowl up and sat down and started eating it while chatting to Marie and Brooke with this huge smile on your face. And you finished it. You finished that bowl of ice cream. That is so beautiful."