Touch (Will not be completed on Wattpad)

Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Noah

            My thoughts are swimming in my head as the beat of the music pounds from the speakers around the bar.  I’m trying so hard to forget about what Leah might be doing right now, but just as soon as I push an image from my mind another comes floating in.  The five shots of whiskey didn’t clear them out, so I’ve moved on to a steady flow of beer.  I’m hopeful that eventually I’ll be too drunk to care anymore, or maybe even passed out. 

            Mandy rubs up against me as we’re pressed to the bar by the other bodies around us.  I have no idea how this place always manages to pack in too many people, but I guess right now the hum of the crowd is helping to distract me momentarily.  She leans up and kisses my lips and I feel nothing.  It’s more than being physically numb from the alcohol, although that is definitely happening; it’s also feeling numb from the pain of hearing Leah close that door.

            A girl next to me is shoved up against me when the crowd shifts abruptly.  I laugh at how ridiculous this whole scene is.  I hate this now.  I want to be at home with Leah, not out in an inebriated crowd being pushed around.  Mandy gets pissed when the girl doesn’t remove herself from my side quick enough.  She grabs my hand and starts to pull me towards the front door.

            “Let’s get out of here,” she shouts above the music.  I shake my head no, but suddenly I realize that I can’t stay here without her and make it home later.  I’m stumbling now as it is, I’m sure when the last few beers I pounded catch up to me I’m going to have a hard time remembering my own name.  I nod my head and follow her out of the bar. 

            It’s a good thing I live close because neither of us are in any condition to drive.  Mandy’s apartment is further than mine, so we begin the walk to my place without any discussion.  I let my hand slide from hers and fight the urge to wipe it on my pants.  It doesn’t feel right touching her now and that makes me laugh.  I’ve never had that problem before, but now that I’ve held Leah’s hand in mine it’s the only one I want.  Mandy tries not to act offended.

            When we reach my apartment building I get a sick feeling in my stomach.  I don’t know if I can spend the night next to Leah knowing that they’re both in there.  My heart is in a million pieces as it is already.  Right now, being separated by a thin wall sounds like a terrible idea.  When Mandy sees me hesitate, she grabs my arm and pulls it over her shoulder.

            “Come on.  I’ll help you up the steps.”  I almost tell her that it isn’t the steps that are making me hesitant.  I decide it’s best if I don’t spill my guts to her right now, so I just nod my head again and we begin the hike up the stairs.  When I stumble a few times, she laughs and tries to keep me from falling.  I slap my hand down on the railing to help get my footing before continuing up to my place. 

            When we finally reach the top of the stairs I do everything in my power to not look at Leah’s door.  I focus on digging my keys out of my pocket and opening my apartment for us.  I watch Mandy weave back and forth as she heads for my room.  I should tell her she can’t stay, but I don’t think she could make it home.  Since I’m the one that called her to come out, sending her home alone drunk would make me a huge asshole and I’m not too drunk to see that. 

            I watch as she strips out of the first few items of her clothing, but only because I’m worried she is going to get herself tangled up and fall.  When I don’t follow her, she turns around and makes a pouty face, curling her finger in my direction to call me over.  I shake my head no and mouth, “Sorry.”  My answer doesn’t seem to matter much to her.  She turns away from me and continues her walk into my room.  

            I pull my shirt off over my head and throw it behind me before unbuttoning my pants and stepping out of them.  I stumble over to my couch and lie down on it, clamping my eyes shut as the room starts to spin.  Fuck, I over did it.  I’m going to be so hung over tomorrow.  Thinking about tomorrow doesn’t help.  The thought of Leah moving out causes my heart to stab with pain. 

            In the darkness I think about what I’m going to do.  I won’t be able to hide how disappointed and hurt I am if she has chosen to work things out with him.  It will break me.  At the same time, it’s completely my fault for setting such stupid boundaries with her.  She’s too good for me and my bullshit, but that doesn’t stop my heart from aching for her.  In the last moments before I fall asleep, I hear the sound of crying, but I’m too far gone to stop myself from slipping under.

            Sleep is not an escape from the thoughts of Leah.  She’s here with me as I float from dream to dream.  We’re dance partners in the kitchen, and she’s beside me in some crazy adventure.  It doesn’t matter where I travel in my dream, she’s right here at my side.  Her smile is brilliant and her eyes are beautiful.  I let myself hold her, part of me aware that none of this is real.  I know in the morning my reality is going to crush me. So tonight I hold her tight and pray that if tomorrow she’s going leave me, I never wake up.

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