Touch (Will not be completed on Wattpad)

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Leah

            I can’t keep the smile off of my face.   Dancing with Noah tonight was so unexpected, but such a wonderful surprise.  I loved the way it felt to move with him as he spun me around the kitchen and lead me in a fun dance to such a familiar song.  That moment is how I imagine relationships should be: fun, playful and intimate.  I wonder if he felt the same way or if I was just imagining the happiness and connection I saw in his eyes.

            Using my towel, I wipe the steam from the mirror in the bathroom.  I thought about our dance the entire time I was in the shower.  I slip on my shorts and tank top and run a comb through my wet hair.  The apartment is quiet on the other side of the door and I can feel my heart beating heavily in my chest.  I don’t know what’s happening between Noah and I, but I like it.  I’m afraid I won’t feel the same though if he is just having a little fun with me.  I’m not willing to risk our friendship to see if I’m the only one feeling the connection between us.  If he got scared away from me I would be shattered.

            I gather my stuff and leave the bathroom.  When I step into his bedroom I can see his figure in the dark as he lies in bed.  The clean smell of soap and steam tells me he also just got out of a shower.  I feel as if something has changed between us and it makes me nervous to climb into his bed on my side.  I still don’t know whom that woman was from earlier and I feel a little guilty for sleeping in his bed if they have something going on. 

            Not sure what to do, I hesitate at the edge and think for a minute.  Noah rolls onto his side and props his head up on his elbow.  He pulls back the covers on my side and pats the bed.  Even though it is dark, I know he can see the hesitation on my face.  I decide to climb in, not wanting to waste any time I might have with him regardless of what he is doing when I’m not around. 

            When he extends his arm so I will lie on his chest I stop and tell him, “My hair is wet.  I don’t want to get your shirt soaked.”  I rest my head on my pillow but Noah sits up in bed and pulls his shirt off over his head.  He lies back down and extends his arm over me again with a smile.

            “Now you won’t get my shirt wet.”  I roll my eyes but inside my stomach tightens with the knowledge that he wants me in his arms no matter what.  I twist my wet hair back and then rest my cheek against his smooth skin.  His arm wraps around my waist and pulls me close to him while his cheek rests on top of my head.  I think for a minute about asking him who the woman was, but I’m afraid.  I’m not afraid that he will lie, I’m afraid he will tell me the truth and it will kill me.  If he is starting a relationship with her or is currently in a relationship with her then what we have isn’t as special and unique as it feels to me.  I don’t think I could make it through this move coming up if I know that. 

            I need to know that he cares about me.  I want to keep our friendship as something I can count on.  I’m afraid that I will find out he can let me go just like all the others.  I can move out if I think he will miss me or that we can keep hanging out like we did tonight.  If I have to move out knowing that he is going to replace me, I think I might freak out and beg to stay here with him.  It’s all really pathetic I know. 

            I feel him breathe in deep as if to say something so I wait for his words to fall on me.  Instead, he just pauses for a moment and then lets the air go as if he has changed his mind.  I want to tell him to say it, whatever it is he was going to say I want to hear it, but instead I close my eyes and focus on the warmth from his body as it encompasses me.  He does it again, and this time my eyes shoot open even though he can’t see them as I wait for his words.  When nothing is said even though I feel him tipping his head back in thought, I let go of the hope that he is going to share with me the same thing I’m too scared to share with him. 

            His free hand glides down my wet hair and then he rests his flat palm against my ear, pulling me tightly against him in a hug as he lets his lips linger on the top of my head in a long, gentle kiss.  When he loosens his hold and lets his cheek rest on top of my head again, I close my eyes and melt back into his arms.  I’m not sure when it happens, but sometime in between the kiss and the moment he falls asleep with me in his arms, I drift off to sleep.

            The constant buzzing of my phone alarm wakes me and I find myself alone in his bed.  I reach my hand out to his side to feel if it is still warm and find a small note instead. 

I couldn’t sleep well.  Decided to get an early start.  Tonight is our last night as roommates.  I’m taking you out to dinner after your last class.  Dress in something nice; there is a great place I want to show you. 

Noah

I read the note a million times, loving the way his masculine writing is forever saved on this small scrap of paper.  Even if nothing ever comes of us, I can have this to remember when he was thinking of me. 

            I jump up quickly and get ready for the day, feeling a buzz from the excitement of going out with Noah this evening.  My plan is to leave class a little early so that I can get dressed back in my place.  The thought of getting to dress up for him excites me and I know that today is going to feel like it is the slowest day of my life.  I refuse to let the sadness of our last night have any space in my thoughts or my heart.  No, tonight I am going to spend time letting my heart play with the man I love so that it won’t be easily fooled by Lyle’s charm. 

            Even if after our last night together I still don’t feel like I can share my feelings with Noah, I’m sure that I will feel strong enough to walk away from Lyle knowing that what we had could never compare to the connection I have with Noah.  I need to put him behind me and start my life without him so that one day when someone like Noah is ready to be in a relationship, I will be healed and available. 

            I close his front door and use my key to lock the deadbolt.  I squeeze the key tightly in my hand, dreading the day that it won’t be mine anymore.  

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