project maggie - shawn mendes

four

today's song

lovely (with khalid) - billie eilish

▿

maggie lindemann

staring off into the distance, admiring the sun that was setting across the hills. the grass becoming drier everyday, the cold temperature of the outdoors, less animals heard throughout the day. there's only one thing that comes in mind.

winter is here.

i'm not ready for another year of the same christmas music playing. i'm not ready for people to be all happy and emotional when they see each other. i'm not ready for squeaky kids, or stupid christmas carols.

the mistletoe? don't even get me started. although all these things are torture to me, one thing in particular bothers me the most.

"mags do you know what day it is?" catarina asked, a big smile spread across her face.

"december 20." i mumbled, my face showing no expression.

"are you okay?" she rubbed my arm, an act of trying to lighten up my mood.

"yeah, are you? usually you're always so excited on december 20 because there's only 5 days left until christmas. what's bringing you down this year?" ava sat down on the couch, the others following her actions.

i shrugged, hoping that they would get the memo. i don't want to talk about this right now.

"come on mags, tell us. what's wrong and how can we fix it." cameron laughed.

everyone agreed, a chorus of head nods and yeah's filling my ears.

i shook my head, shifting in my seat.

shawn sighed. "come on maggie, just tell us, please?"

"can anyone tell me today's date?" i said. once again there was no expression on my face as i stared at my lap.

"it's december 20th, we already said that?" mia's eyebrows pulled together.

"today is december 20 2020. today would've been elena's fourth birthday." i said, my eyes looked forward, towards the wall.

everyone looked at each other, not knowing what to do. well, you wanted to know what was wrong, you got what you wanted.

teegan sighed. "mags i'm real-"

"don't apologize, and don't call me mags." i said, getting up.

i walked out of the room, wanting to get out of this house. i needed some air. nah, that's too cliche. i wanted to get the hell away from them. all they do is feel bad for everything.

"maggie, wait!"

i turned around to see the person that i left three years ago. lost puppy much?

"what the hell do you want shawn?" i spat.

i kept walking, my feet taking me wherever they wanted to. i know this place like the back of my hand, but i didn't really know where i was headed.