«The Language Of Flowers» (Bungou Stray Dogs)

No Longer Human -END- «Dazai Osamu»

The warmth of another human being- for someone as disqualified as Dazai, he didn't think it was possible.

He should have been used to this already from the innumerable times you dragged his sorry state back to his apartment. The feel of your embrace around him- since when did it feel different?

After your outburst, a bitter smile could only make its way to his lips. It was to be expected that you would feel betrayed for what Odasaku had done. There was no need to be surprised when your inner thoughts were voiced out in the open- having observed humans for far too long, Dazai knew it wasn't long before you broke. That the carefully built up walls you called 'numbness' would come crashing down if he pushed you hard enough.

Yet why did he do it?

He was a detestable monster to begin with. To see you care for such a monster like him- he was curious. So he tested out your nature but he didn't think his experiment that was made out of sheer boredom would make you snap. Would make him detest himself even more for pushing you off the edge.

Your kindness, he didn't deserve it. It would only bring him pain, a tragedy he knew would never leave his side. An endless nightmare he suffered each waking night ever since Odasaku had died. To see you in the same place where your brother sat, as much of a demon as people think he is, the loss of another important life to him would be too much to bear.

He knew long ago that anything he aspired to keep would be taken from him and so to prevent that feeling of loss, he closed his heart to people. The closer people got to him, the faster they died. Odasaku was the prime example of that. He should've learned his lesson and yet once more another came knocking at the locked door of his heart. Odasaku's sister, of all people, who would have known.

Of course, he knew that Odasaku might have told you to watch over him but that should've been as far as it was and yet this- this was obviously not meant to be part of it.

Was one year really enough to make him soft? Or were your feelings as strong as Odasaku's to reach his closed heart?

Dazai, for once, didn't know.

He continued to contemplate on such while he watched you sleeping on your make-shift bed, his hand clasping a cup of coffee. Neither of you had spoken to each other after that argument, the silent drive home was suffocating for you that it tired you out the moment you both arrived at the doorstep of his apartment.

Your boxes were still in the car, your duties for the day forgotten the moment you collapsed on the sofa tiredly. Dazai left you as such while he opted for a cup of coffee.

He could still recall your repeated apologies, the sincerity of it reflecting in your eyes. For a moment, he almost wanted to run his hands over your hair that time. Such a sad face being made for him, he didn't deserve that.

"You've treated me nicely, yes, but it's merely because you find me curious and amusing. It made me feel so lonely again... I'm really such a foolish and useless person," Dazai couldn't help but tell your sleeping figure, his feet unconsciously moving him to you.

A chair next to you had been propped up by him before he took his seat. His dark brown eyes observed the rise and fall of your chest while you were in dreamland, his bandaged hands hovering over your head.

He tried to will himself to not go further than this. To stop himself from making another mistake to open his heart- to actually consider striving to live like a human.

To give himself a second chance.

But your pull, was it always this strong? Once again, as he laid his hand over your soft locks, he knew he was losing a battle of self-control. It was only now that Dazai realized why Odasaku saved him and not you.