Secondhand Smoke [m.h]

Part Fifteen.

I wake up feeling completely groggy and disgusting.
My hair is a mess and leftover makeup is spread across my face.
"Ugh.." I groan, grabbing at my bed sheets to find my phone.
No luck at all.
I sit up in bed and rub my eyes before stumbling out of bed.
The sun peeks through the windows and it reminds me of the mornings on the tour bus...
Oh, come on..
I can't think of that. I need to forget.
I look around my bed and finally spot my phone on the floor.
I pick it up and check the notifications, seeing nothing except for a missed call from Ben.
I walk out from my bedroom to my bathroom and decide on calling him back.
He picks up almost immediately, "What happened?"
"Whoa, whoa.. slow down. What are you talking about?" I ask, walking towards my bathroom mirror.
He sighs, "It's all over Twitter. I know you're not with him right now.. and you weren't with him late last night when he was getting shit-faced."
"Wha---" I stop myself.
You don't care. He didn't care either.
"I don't know, it's usual for him. Maybe people just heard about it this time. Let's not talk about him, though. It doesn't matter. How are you? Do you want to go to the arcade soon?" I ask him.
He laughs, "Of course I would. I definitely want to hear all about your time on the road with one of my favorite bands."
I wince a little but I shrug it off.
"Yeah, sounds good. I'll text you later, okay? Love you." I tell him.
"Love you too." He answers.
I hang up the phone and slide my clothes off, trying to avoid looking at myself in the mirror.
I can barely stand myself right now.. I hate this.
I turn the water on in the shower and take a few steady breathes to calm myself down.
Once the water heats up enough, I step inside and allow the water to run over me.
I hum along to random songs as I shampoo and condition my hair, along with lathering my body with soap.
I shave my legs extra carefully so they're soft. That's the best feeling.
I rinse all of the soapy substances away and step out of the shower, drying myself off.
I pull out another towel and wrap my hair up in it.
I pick my phone up to check the notifications and I see 8 texts from Rebecca.
Whoa.. haven't talked to her in a while.
They all read "Call me."
I clear my throat and walk out of the bathroom before dialling her number.
She answers on the second ring, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" I ask.
She sighs, "I was such a shitty friend to you.. and that night at the club. I was so sick to my stomach the next morning which had nothing to do with the alcohol. I went to rehab, Bella. I got my drinking and partying under control. I just thought I would tell you because I miss you."
"I miss you too! I really do.. and it's okay. I'm just glad that you have gotten more control over your life. I love you." I tell her.
She laughs, "I love you too! What are you up to today?"
I think about it for a moment. To be honest, probably nothing for this weekend.
"Um, nothing?" I say, trailing off.
My mind clicks to my empty cabinets and fridge.
"I just wanted to go shopping for some food at some point." I answer.
She gasps, "How about we go together!? It'll be fun! We can catch up and stuff. I stopped by a few days ago and you didn't answer but then I saw your post on Instagram afterwards and it made sense. You have to tell me about it, okay? I'll be by your place in a couple hours."
"Okay! Sounds good, then. See you soon." I say, hanging up the phone.
I set my phone down and slide panties and a sports bra on.
I find a comfy sweater and slide that on along with pulling on some black leggings.
I sigh and lay down on my bed, staring at my ceiling.
What do I even do?
Am I just supposed to forget everything that happened and move forward like I never met him?
I just can't process any of it.
It was all.. so amazing.
Now it's over and the person I was so.. vulnerable to. He's gone.
I wouldn't bother to message him, I'm not sure I'd even get a response.
What would I even say?
Ugh. Life is a mess sometimes.
_____________
"I didn't take you to be the girl who went for band members." Rebecca teases, nudging my shoulder as we walk our carts side by side.
I roll my eyes, "Oh come on. You know I literally haven't done anything rebellious or crazy since I was born."
"You're right.. but he's cute. Of course you'd run away with him." She says with a laugh.
I almost defend myself before I realize that's kind of what I did.
"Most of the time I was gone you were in rehab, then?" I ask her, walking into the snack aisle.
She sighs, "Yeah. It was weird as hell.. and frustrating. It did help me find that strength to stop needing that unhealthy thrill in my life. I do some yoga now, too."
I look at her and raise my eyebrow, "Yoga?"
"Yeah, yoga. It's super healthy for you and stuff—"
"Yeah, yeah." We both laugh.
I grab some crackers, chips and granola bars and place them in my shopping cart.
"What's he like?" She asks, her voice lower.
I laugh a little as I reach down to pick out different kinds of soups.
"Do you know how you feel when you take a shower? How your muscles relax, how you just feel calm and then refreshed? Or maybe it's driving with the windows down at night, the stars above you that twinkle and remind you that beauty exists. Both of those analogies are too clean, though.." I trail off, "Think of cigarette smoke. Inhaling it just burns your lungs but at the same time, smoking is an addiction. You know it's not good for you but you crave it. When it's gone, you go insane. That's what he's like."
I place my soups in the cart and look up at her with a smile, "Do you get 2% or whole milk?"
She stares at me with her jaw gaping slightly.
"You're in deep, aren't you?" She asks me.
I shrug, "Doesn't really matter what I'm in, now does it? He's moving forward with his life and I should, too."
"Bella, no one expects you to feel nothing and pretend like he doesn't matter to you. You're allowed to love him.. don't diminish your feelings. I get what you're saying but you can't forget.. would he have invited just any girl on tour with him?" She tells me, concerned expression on her face.
I shake my head, "Maybe not.. but I guess I wasn't what he was looking for. Maybe he just needs a slutty groupie to inflate his ego. Anyways, I'll be fine. What's left on the list?"

______
i'm sorry i have had such bad writer's block.
thank you very much for reading.
this is sort of a filler chapter but you kind of get to see how bella is handling things now.
anyways, much love.
i'll try to update as much as i can!

xo
- adrianna