Wounded

Chapter 29

"Jai, I'm worried about you. Extremely worried."

I glanced up from where I was scrolling aimlessly through twitter to look into the worried blue eyes of my oldest brother. I let out a sigh. I've been dreading this moment for quite a while now. I'm only getting worse, and I'm afraid it's becoming more and more obvious for the people around me.

"What are you talking about? I'm fine, Beau." I chuckled. Beau didn't seem convinced, though. He had a grim smile on his face and a look in his eye that meant he had easily spotted my lie. He slowly shook his head before responding.

"Jai, something has been eating at you for at least a year, and you're different now. Whatever had been going on with you has changed you into a person I don't recognize. Just tell me. I'm your big brother, so you can trust me with this."

"No I can't!" I snapped. I don't know why I suddenly snapped. Maybe it was the stress of keeping secrets or the loneliness from isolating myself and having no one to trust.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Beau exclaimed, obviously offended. I let out a sigh. There was no way that I was telling him.

"Nothing, Beau. I'm just tired." I lied, causing Beau to shoot me a look. "Just leave me alone. I'm fine. I promise."

"No." Beau argued, causing me to glare at him. "I'm sick of you isolating yourself all of the time. We're going to film a video and you're going to be happy about it." He said firmly.

"But that's just it Beau! I'm not happy!" I screamed before realizing what I had said. I glanced at Beau only to see a tiny smirk on his face.

"So the truth comes out..."

I didn't care about what sarcastic remarks he had to make. I just knew I needed to get out and I needed to get out now.

I jumped up from my bed and stormed out of my room, ignoring the calls of my name coming from behind me. I couldn't deal with this right now. Everything was just becoming too much and I didn't know how to handle it. I couldn't handle it. I was a broken mess and at this point nothing could fix me. I was too far gone, and now I was simply going through the motions.

Beau didn't understand that, though. He didn't understand anything that wasn't as plain as day. Luke tried to understand, but in the end he was on a whole different level than me, his mistake of a twin brother.

All I ever did was mess things up. Luke was so stressed out because he didn't know what I was going to do next and I honestly hated myself for that. He should have never had to deal with any of my drama.

And that's honestly what it was. Drama. I could never actually stand up for myself and now everyone else had to deal with the results. I wasn't even close to the same person I once was. I knew that. Luke knew that. Even Beau knew that, who I haven't actually sat down and talked to in years.

I was different and now everyone else had to deal with that, because I couldn't deal with my own problems that weren't worth dealing with anyways. So what if I got punched a few times? That just meant I needed to toughen up and stop being a baby. Life doesn't take into consideration any factors that revolve around you. Instead, it's you who has to work around life and find a solution to your problems.

The funny thing is that I wasn't always this way. I used to be carefree and strong. Nothing could hurt me. I wasn't that little boy anymore, though. I wasn't the little boy that rolled with the punches and punched back harder. I wasn't the little boy that would fall down and immediately get back on my feet and try again at whatever had knocked me down in the first place.

I wasn't him. He died a long time ago, around the same time I started to lose my self-confidence and the very essence of myself. He's gone and he isn't coming back.

Maybe that's why I didn't see the car coming until it was too late. It had hit me before I even had a chance to register what was happening. The crazy thing was, I could die and I didn't care.