A Fill-In Friend || Dear Evan Hansen [EDITING]

.: Twenty-Three :.

A/N- Okay, okay! I was not anticipating for this chapter to be 3,400 words! I hope you enjoy! 
TW: Mention of abuse. A/N at the end as well–I'll be mentioning some important things.

Connor's POV

Day One. 

I wake up groggily, rubbing my eyes and immediately hearing the sound of utter chaos downstairs in the kitchen. I shuffle out of bed and throw some clothes on, contemplating whether I should even go downstairs for breakfast. My answer is no. I need to get to Evan. I pop open my window climbing out and onto the roof. Unfortunately, my floor is on the second floor, so I'll have to somehow get off of the roof. I look around the edges of the house, and there are no ladders of any sort. 

I'll have to drop down. 

I sit, scooting myself to the edge and looking down. The "journey" down looks incredibly far, though the house itself isn't tall, just big. I bring up the small amount of courage I have, dropping down unharmed. I hope I didn't make much of a racket, or Larry will most definitely come out and catch me. I stay still in the position I'm standing, anticipating for Larry to come rushing out and yelling. When Larry doesn't come out, I continue on my way to Evan's, walking down the driveway and turning left. 

-----

I knock on the door, hands shaking and palms sweaty. (hiS paLMs Are sweaTy, knees wEaK, arms ArE HeaVy, theREs VomIt ON hIs sweatER alReady, mOm's SpaGhETTi) Evan answers the door, a gasp escaping him as he hugs me tight. I slowly wrap my arms around him, smiling softly. I have to tell him, I know, but I don't want to ruin this moment. 

"Why the spontaneous visit?" Evan asks, releasing himself from the hug. I bite the inside of my cheek, thinking of an excuse. 

"I would tell you, but well, I'm grounded, and I don't have my phone," I explain. 

"Oh, right," Evan smiles, "Let's go watch Criminal Minds?" I nod, putting a bigger smile on my face and sighing softly. I sit on the couch, extending my arms in both directions across the couch cushion. Evan grabs a soft blanket and snuggles himself into my side. I smile, and my heart seems to tug. The episode starts. 

-----

The sun went down, and I still haven't told Evan. I'm scared for the inevitable, I really am. What if Evan decides it's not worth it? No one exactly wants to have a relationship when they're miles apart. But I need him like oxygen. It's funny, as I used to think of him as someone to deal with, but now he's the only one in the world who seems to understand me.

"Hey, Con? Are you okay?" Evan asks, waving his hand in front of my eyes. I snap out of my thoughts and turn to him, taking a deep breath. 

Do I tell him now?

"Yeah, fine. Just thinking, the usual." I smile unconvincingly. 

"Do you wanna talk about it?" His hand travels to my shoulder as he looks me in the eye. I look away, avoiding his gaze. 

"I probably should." 

"Okay." Evan shifts in his seat, sitting with his legs crisscrossed on the couch. 

"Larry's-Larry is sending me to a military school because he's a complete asshole," I say a lot more confident than I thought I would say it. I look back up at Evan. His eyes are blank, his face expressionless. He's speechless. I regret saying a word about it. Maybe it would have been better if I just left without a word. Shattered Evan's heart. Never got close to Evan in the first place and stayed a loner and never talked to anyone that first day I came to school. Maybe then, I wouldn't be hurting Evan and he'd be okay. He was better. off without me and we both know it. Because now he's my boyfriend and I'm tearing his heart apart by leaving involuntarily.