A Fill-In Friend || Dear Evan Hansen [EDITING]

.: Eight :.

Evan's POV

As I'm walking into the school's gates, I wipe my semi-sweaty palms on my jeans. The familiar rush of students surrounds me, causing me to take multiple tries getting to my locker. A smile forms on my face as I see Connor walking towards his.

"Connor, um, uh, hey." I wave. He takes a look at me, not saying anything and starting to turn the lock on his locker.

"Um, I had lots of fun on-on, uh, Friday." I attempt again.

"Friday never happened." Connor replies bluntly.

"What do you mean? I-I came over to your-"

"Listen to me, Hansen. We aren't friends. What did I tell you? I told you I needed you to act as if we're friends, not that we actually were friends. So you can go fuck off until we plan another 'hangout' to fool my parents." Connor's words pierce through me and I sigh in defeat.

"O-okay, sure." I walk off to find Jared and Alana.

"If it isn't the real Evan Hansen, looking sad as ever." Jared jokes, "Lemme guess, something to do with the school shooter over there?" Jared's eyebrows arch up.

"He's not a school shooter, Jared." I say defensively. I'm not sure why I'm defending Connor, but I go along with what just came out of my mouth.

"And I'm not sarcastic, Evan. He's definitely a school shooter, and you know it." Jared laughs at his own joke.

"Why don't you shut your-your damn mouth?" I blurt out without thinking. I immediately gasp, covering my mouth. Jared throws up his hands as if to say "Okay, okay!" Alana's look of surprise sends me into a wave of panic.

"I'm so sorry-I, I don't know, what got into me...?" I look at my hands, not believing what just happened.

"Jesus, Evan can be a jerk?" Jared laughs once more. The bell rings directly after he says this, and I rush off to my class.

What was that?
That was confidence.

Confidence.

---------------------

I can't stay still in my seat from the events of this morning. It's all new to me.

Since when do I tell people to shut their mouths?

Guilt covers me like a blanket as I walk to lunch alone. When I enter the double doors of the cafeteria, I look at the lunch table we normally sit at.

"Jared, I'm, I'm really sorry about earlier..." I say as I sit down.

"Dude, I'm over that. I'm pretty sure you didn't mean it."

"Yeah, what happened was impulsive. You were mad at him insulting your friend." Alana adds.

"Plus, for once, you didn't coward out of something. You, my friend, were confident!" Jared fakes enthusiasm.

"You sound like my mom..." I grunt.

"Ah, look, here's your friend." Jared looks over to Connor, who's sitting with his back turned towards me.

"We aren't friends." I feel a surge of anger run through my blood as I look at Connor with disgust.

What's wrong with me?
Confidence. Don't you love it? You can finally stand up for yourself.

"Really? Because earlier today you defended the crap out of him. And didn't you go to his house Friday night?" Jared squints at me.

"You know what he told me, Jared. I'm staging as a friend. We aren't real friends. Right, Connor?" I ask without turning around. A long silence between Connor and I occurs.