He feels like such a fuck up.
On the car ride home, silence is an impossible cloud that envelops and suffocates the three. The scene from the ice cream parlor replays over and over in their minds.
Michael is seated in the back with his head pressed against his window. He can hear strained whispers between Calum and Ashton, but he never tries to understand what they're saying. Every so often one of them glances back at him worriedly. It's not hard to guess their topic of conversation.
When they get home, Michael is the first one inside. He runs through the house and throws himself on his bed.
It's just too much to comprehend.
Luke hates him. Luke hates him. Luke hates him. Luke hates him. That's all he can think.
Numbness, good old numbness, begins to tingle in his fingertips. It slowly creeps through his veins, seeping into all his cells. Soon enough, Michael can't feel a thing- not that he wants to, though. He prefers this blissful unfeeling over the pain that was crushing him moments before.
He lays there on his back, until his mind goes blank. His emotions now feel just as much as his body.
The only sound is his heartbeat. Even the outside world has ceased into noiselessness. And despite the situation, he hasn't felt this at peace in quite a while.
It's a bit later when there's a knocking at his door that's so soft, he almost thinks he imagined it. Then Ashton inches it open ever so slowly and hesitantly steps inside.
"Hey.." He says with a small, forced smile.
"Hi," Michael mumbles in reply. He doesn't so much as turn his head to look at his step brother.
"How are you feeling?" Ashton asks, inviting himself to take a seat at the end of the bed.
"Like shit," Michael answers honestly.
"Same."
This gets Michael's attention. He had been to absorbed in himself to even think about how Ashton might be feeling. A small knot of guilt forms within him.
"I'm sorry," Michael whispers. He finally sits up so as to face him.
Ashton regards him with remote sorrow in his eyes. Then he sighs, and it's a heavy one that hangs thickly in the room.
"This is kind of a mess, isn't it?" Ashton asks after a long pause.
Michael stares back at him, no words able to form on his lips.
"It's all my fault, though, so I have no right to feel sorry for myself. It's your life that I fucked with.." Ashton continues offhandedly.
"No but I get it. You liked him, too."
Another sigh. "That didn't give me the right too-"
Michael quickly cuts him off when he realizes where this is drifting back to. "It's behind us. What you did today says a lot."
The tug at the back of Michael's brain claims otherwise, that it's not truly behind them, but he shoos it off. Best not to dampen the mood more.
"You're really great, you know that?" Ashton says. He then pulls him in for yet another hug, which doesn't surprise Michael as much as it used to.
"Thanks," Michael chuckles lightly. "But uh.. now what?"
Ashton pulls back and shakes his head. "Well that's what we've been talking about and we haven't figured out the details yet. We're thinking we're going to drop you off or something and force you two to talk it out."
"That's a terrible plan," Michael says.
"I know but it's all we could come up with!" Ashton throws his hands up in mock defense.
Michael grumbles something into his hands and then pulls downwards on his face exasperatedly.
"Unless you can write some genius love poem and win him over.." Ashton nudges his foot.
"No I'm done writing for a while," Michael replies coldly.
That comment makes Ashton frown. He knows what writing means to Michael, what it does for him, how it helps him. To quit that is nothing but significant.
"Well.. Calum's downstairs. Do you want me to send him up?" Ashton asks. He figures the other boy would probably have a better effect on his mood.
"He's still here?"
"Yeah."
"What have you been doing this whole time?" Michael asks with suspicion lacing his voice.
"Talking."
After a second later, Michael says, "Yeah please do." He's not sure how he feels about his best friend and his brother hanging out, but he pushes no further.
They exchange their goodbyes and soon enough, Calum takes Ashton's spot on his bed.
"Hey," Calum greets a little too cheerfully.
Michael nods his hello this time.
"Do you want anything?"
Michael opts for shaking his head no instead of speaking.
"Don't you get all quiet on me!" Calum exclaims. He beams at him when a smile cracks Michael's lips.
"And don't stress over this. We'll figure it out. Luke responded about as well as could be expected, considering what you guys dropped on him," Calum says. He attempts to put on a patriarchal tone and fails.
Michael begins to nod his understanding, but after a sharp look from Calum, uses his voice. "I know.."
"Okay. Now I have this joke that I heard the other day that I've been dying to tell someone." Calum flips the subject completely. He gets a really excited expression on his face, and he kind of resembles a giddy child.
Michael prepares himself.
"What do you call a nosy pepper?" Calum pauses for dramatic effect. "JALAPEÑO BUSINESS!"
For a second, Michael only looks at him. It's possibly the worst joke he's ever heard. Then the laughter slowly starts to bubble up his throat and somehow he ends up completely in stitches. Calum may be ridiculous, but he's just what he needs right now.
A/N: I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON IM SORRY. I SAID IN THAT LITTLE NOTE (THAT I DELETED) THAT ID TRY AND HAVE MY UPDATE UP LIKE A WEEK AGO AND I CANT TELL YOU HOW SORRY I AM FOR THE WAIT. AND THEN I WENT AND UPDATED WITH THIS SUPDER DUPER SHITTY FILLER AND JUST WOW I APOLOGIZE IM SUCKY I KNOW. ILY LOTS
oh and if you read that note thing and commented- thank you so much. I think I'm going to stick with Australia being the setting and just wing it.
