Chapter 30

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Daniel gave my keys to Jana so she could take my car home with her and pick me up in the morning for school

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Daniel gave my keys to Jana so she could take my car home with her and pick me up in the morning for school. Somehow, he convinced me to talk, finding time to do so as he drives me home. Maybe it was his promise of leaving me alone that made me agree, that is if I simply talk. About what? I am not sure. I am sure he doesn't want the details of what happened, though. Who does? No one. I couldn't even tell the story out loud without freezing up. Such details stay in the past, where they belong.

With my head resting against the door, we remain in silence beside my quiet directions on which way to go. "Turn left at the next light," I murmur.

When we pull up to my house, we continue to stay in place, waiting for something. My mother's car isn't there, I wonder where she is. It's only seven thirty, though. She must be staying late at the station again without telling me.

"You don't have to talk about it," Daniel says smoothly, his voice deep but hushed.

"I wasn't going to."

"I wanted to talk about your perception of me," he says, catching my attention. I look at him, something I have avoided doing the entire ride. "I haven't changed my mind about you, especially not over this. If you think this makes you undesirable then—"

With a red face, I cut in, "Please, I don't want to talk about this. I just want to go."

Daniel glances away, "I don't want you to ignore me, to shut me out because of something that's not true."

It's quiet outside, everyone cleaning up after dinner or watching the news before bed, normal Monday things. Except me, of course I can't be doing the normal things. It's not in my blood, it's not in my cards. Maybe I am just one of those people with a messy life, everything tossed everywhere and I somehow make my way through it.

"I don't get it," I say, "every girl in Coldgrove is dying for a second of your attention. Why are you worried about talking to me? You could be with one of those other girls, someone who can actually be with you."

His eyes find mine. "If I wanted that, I would be with someone else right now.

The streetlight glows above us, causing a shadow in the car, and we sit in the darkness. I could ask him a million times why he's choosing to stay and still not understand. "You're going to be disappointed."

"Fine. Then I'll be disappointed," he says.

I sigh and step out of the car, but just before I close the door, Daniel stops me. "Is there anyone home?"

I peer to the house, windows black. "No. My mom's at work."

Daniel unbuckles his seatbelt and pulls his keys from his car, the headlights turning off. I watch as he gets out and walks around to meet me. "I'll wait with you until she gets back."

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